Porch time

So, what does "porch time" mean to you?

To me it means this, good friends...an air of trust and respect....an atmosphere of realness and vulnerability....listening, laughing, crying, eating, and laughing some more. It means being able to say anything....the good, the bad and the ugly....and knowing that it will be heard when needed and forgotten when needed.

It means being able to sit silently and watch the wonder of a beautiful sunset and bask in that glow....the glow of the sunset being equal to the glow of friendship.

The look of youth

So, today I went to the airport to pick up Becky from her mission trip to Peru. You know....not only has my youngest daughter lost her smell of youth, but she has also lost the look of youth. She is a young lady now....a beautiful young lady.

Yes, she is a fine young woman.

Kiss my...

So, I am trying to work through the qualities that make a leader versus the qualities that preclude one from being a leader, in essence....making one a non-leader. See, I do not happen to adhere to the notion that the opposite of a leader is a follower.

I believe a true leader sometimes follows....as a matter of fact, I believe that a true leader is a confident follower...a follower of a higher calling....a follower of the legacy that was laid before them. See I believe that in order to lead....they must follow One who exists outside of their own understanding.....they must also understand where they have been and where they are going and what foundation they are building on.

I have noticed that true leaders arise from the ranks. But I have noticed that within the ranks there are two types of people, those who line up in front of their leader and those who line up behind their leader. I believe that true leaders come from the line in the front, not the one behind. What do I mean by that?

Well, I believe that there are those people who will stand up in front of their leader and they will look them in the eye and will be willing to talk to them and challenge them when needed, but always with respect. And I believe that there are those people who will line up behind a leader and kiss their butts, never looking them in the eye...never challenging their ideas....just standing behind their leaders with their noses shoved so far up the leader's butt that you can't see where the leader stops and the butt-kisser ends. See, I do not believe those are followers....they are just sucked along with the leader like those sucker fish that attach to sharks and just feed off of them and go everywhere the shark goes. They are not followers...they are sucker fish. They are butt-kissers, and that is a non-leader.

I have also noticed that those people who like to get in the line behind someone are actually there for two reasons. First they find that they can kiss butts back there but they can also put a knife in that person's back. I find that those butt-kissers are also the same people who are the first to knife you in the back.

So, as I ponder this...I realize that I don't want to be in the line in the back and I don't want anyone lined up "behind" me (I couldn't resist that). I want to help those whom I oversee to stand in front of me and encourage those they lead to stand in front of them....that is how I want to live...up front, with my lips able to speak the truth and no knife in my hand (or back).

To be or to do

So, I am working through two words: being and doing. Both are 'ing' words, which denotes action or process....

Being means 'to be...the quality of having existence, or essence.'

Doing means 'to do....the act of performing or executing.'

These are very small words...be and do.....but they are powerful.

So, what defines me, my being or my doing? Why do I feel that unless I am doing....producing something....that I have no worth. Where does a person's worth come from?

The end of the rope

So, I am wondering what will I find when I reach 'the end of my rope,' or 'the end of myself?' Is it the same thing that you find 'at the end of the rainbow?' Will there be a pot of gold?

I feel like that is where I am....the end of myself.....the end of my rope.....and I wonder, what on earth is after this? Somewhere over the rainbow....

Puppies and Peru

So, today I took my youngest daughter, Becky, to the airport. She is 15 years old and going on her first mission trip to Peru. She will be there 10 days ministering to the children that live and work in the garbage dump. I am so proud of her, and yet it is not easy to let her go.

I dropped her off at the airport this morning at 4:30 a.m. I was fighting back tears the whole trip there....I masked my sadness by loud laughter.....it's one of my cooping mechanisms. As she gathered up her bags, I saw my little Becky, my 2 year old Becky with big blue eyes and beautiful blond ringlets and a big smile on her face. That was the Becky that I saw picking up her bags to go into the airport. She came over to me and hugged me deeply.....and I breathed her into me.

You know how puppies have a puppy smell....a very unique and wonderful smell....and babies have a baby smell.....a very unique and wonderful smell. It's smell of youth and of innocence and of wonder.....well.....I've never noticed when that smell of a puppy disappears....it's not like one day you just wake up and your puppy has lost that smell. It happens slowly over time...and it is so gradual that you don't even notice it. BUT I can tell you when my daughter, Becky, lost her baby smell...the smell of youth and innocence....the smell of me needing to protect and provide for her....it was this morning at 4:30 am. I breathed her into me and her essence was the same, but that smell of youth was gone....and now I smelled the essence of my daughter, the beautiful young woman that she has become. The beautiful young woman who is willing to leave the comforts of home and travel to a foreign land to be the love of Jesus with children who are lice ridden and living in a garbage dump. I love her smell....but I am sad and struggling because I know that I have to let her go....I have to let her be that young woman....and I can't hold her back and I can't slap baby lotion on her and take her home....I have to let her go out into the protection of her heavenly Father.

I breath her in deeply and we hug for a long time. She walks away....getting a few feet and she looks back at me and drops her suitcases and returns for another long hug....I know my Becky and she knew that I needed that....that is her sweet heart....always looking out for others.

Yes, she has grown into a fine young woman and I am so proud of her.

Rainbows and smiles

So, update on Katie and her blue poop....the next day it turned to green...then a lighter shade and then....

Well, then Katie ate a red-hot chili pepper on Sunday night.....so today....I come downstairs and Katie is in the bathroom. She says, "Mom, that red-hot chili pepper has turned my poop red. It's been a great week for rainbow poop."

The road less traveled

So, my oldest daughter, Katie, graduated from high school this past Friday. I am so proud of her.

She graduated with highest honors, which means she had a 4.0 or higher grade point average throughout high school.

When one of her classmates found out that she was graduating with highest honors, he said, "Wow Katie, I didn't know you had it in you. I thought you got C's and D's. What kind of grades do you get?"

That's my Katie....she is extremely intelligent.....but she hides it well....she prefers to do life her way and not fit the status quo.....

Example, the robes for graduation were red....most people wore red or black shoes.....Katie, who has bright red patten leather pumps, instead choose to wear her BRIGHT neon yellow pumps.....that's the Katie way!

What goes in, Must come out

So, we had a cookie cake for Katie's graduation celebration. It had black icing. This stuff was pure black! The kids teeth turned blacked after eating it.

Today Katie said, "Man, that was good cookie cake.....any cake that turns your poop blue is GOOD cake."

It is all for me

So, yesterday my firstborn graduated from high school. I will blog about her when my other daughter, Becky, downloads her graduation photos...

My parents and my youngest sister, Judy, and her four year-old granddaughter came down for the graduation.

I had a friend ask me if it matters to kids if grandparents come to their stuff, like birthday parties and graduations. I told her that it did....now let me give Katie's answer.

"This is so exciting to have everyone come down here....and it is all for me. They are coming here for me."

So, to all of you grandparents, aunts and uncles.....yes........it matters......what a message of love it sends to our children!

Goodnight moon

So, have you ever been weary and scared....you know the kind of weariness that creeps past your bones and into your soul.

I think I might be there.

I find that I just want to climb into the bed of my youth....to the protection of my parents....to a time when life did not press so heavily upon my soul....when I could sleep under my parent's roof and therefore under their protection. When I could close my eyes and sleep would come, quickly....when the dark was a friend that would escort me rapidly to my dreams. Now the dark is a stranger who lies in wait to creep into my being and whisper scary thoughts into my head throughout the night.

I just want to sleep.....the sleep that only comes when there is someone protecting you.

Claim the blame

So, do you know any narcissists?

I do....

One thing that I have noticed about narcissists...when everything is going right, then it is all because of them.....and when everything is going wrong, then it is all because of you. Doesn't that seem wrong? It seems to me that if a narcissist truly believes it's all about them...then it should ALWAYS be all about them...the good, the bad and the ugly.

I know, I know....good is all because of them and bad is all NOT because of them.....bottom line....it's all about them....but I say if they get to claim all the glory ....then they can also claim all the blame.

How about it? Anyone want to join me? We'll call it the, "Claim the blame" campaign.

Flying bonies

So, my parents are coming to my house tomorrow....for Katie's graduation. Needless to say, I am trying to clean the house before they get here.

Here's the thing...you would think that to clean one small house would be simple now. Why? Because I have two teenage girls and a pre-teen boy. So, you would think that between the four of us, boom....the house could be clean. Well, you would think that but you would be so wrong. It is actually exactly the opposite from that.

I get one room cleaned and then leave that room and then they enter that room and destroy it....like the kitchen.....clean when I go to bed and then my 18 year old gets up in the middle of the night and decides to make bread and cookies, so I walk down the stairs to MESS in my kitchen. This has been going on all week....me cleaning a room....them destroying a room. Even my dog joins their forces, I pick up all of his toys and bones and put them in a basket in the living room and then he goes to the basket and takes every toy and bone out and throws them across the room.

So, last night....I had decided not to clean the kitchen up before going to bed. Instead I say to my 18 year old..."clean the kitchen." I fumbled down the stairs this morning and to my astonishment.....a cleaner kitchen (notice I didn't say CLEAN - but I am overjoyed none-the-less).

Hmmmmmm......maybe she is growing up!

Shank you, Shank you very much

So, my son does this thing called a Shank. It means he comes up to me, holds his fingers stiffly out and pokes me in the belly and says, "Shank."

Here is my warning to all middle aged women out there who's girls are starting to head south (if you don't know what I'm talking about then don't worry - your girls are still perky)....just remember this....in order to make sure you get shanked in your stomach....always, always, always keep the bra on....you never know when you might get a random shank.