Rambling Thoughts

Press one now

2011-12-21T14:18:00.002-05:00

So....I just got back from a visit to my parent's house. I love my people. I love that we all enjoy a good laugh together.....even if it is at the expense of one of our own. My siblings and I thoroughly enjoy laughing at my parents as we all grow older.

One evening my sister and I were running some errands with my kids...Judy and I left the truck to do something and when we returned...my three children had a look on their faces that was very familiar....yes, I knew that they had been having fun at Judy and my expense....and so the tradition continues.

In keeping with family tradition....let me share a funny mom and dad story.

They have a new HD TV and just recently got high def cable. While I was home I noticed that the picture wasn't clear. It was not in high definition. So, I fumbled with it for a while....got out the manuals and tried a few things. Then I decided to call one of the help desks. This is where the story begins.

The TV has been off all morning. So I turn on the TV one last time before making the call, just to verify that the problem still exists (because I have found that just making a call to the help desk usually fixes the problem). My parents are sitting in the living room. Yes, the problem is still there. I sit down in front of the TV, with the TV remote. I dial the number, I hit 1 to speak in english, I hit 1 to say I am calling about a TV, I hit 2 to say it is a high definition TV....okay, finally Tina answers. Let me share what was happening while I was hitting all the appropriate options to get to Tina, my dad has grabbed the universal cable remote control. He begins to do what all men with a remote does....flip the stations. Now mind you, I had it on a known HD station....I can't stop him because I have to stay alert to make sure I am picking the right options to ensure proper customer service in my native tongue. In the meantime, my mom sees a show flip by that interests her, so she yells at my dad to turn it back. Again, I can't stop them because I am "pressing 1 now." So, my parents are now both watching a show on who knows what station....and then turn the TV up so they can hear it. Let me translate....we have now gone up to a level 10 on volume. Again, I am sitting right in front of the TV and I have finally arrived at a place where a representative is going to help me. I hear a female voice....but I can't make out anything she says because the TV is blaring. I quickly ask my parents to turn the TV down and I ask the customer service rep to repeat herself....she is annoyed and repeats that her name is Tina. Nice....now I have Tina, with attitude, trying to help me. My parents turn the TV down to level 9....I am still right in front of the TV and Tina is mad at me....she asks me for something...but I can't hear so I ask her to repeat her question....at the same time I am making a motion to "be quiet" to my parents.....but they are squawking at each other about something on TV. Tina says, with attitude, "I NEED YOUR SERIAL NUMBER." I begin to pull the TV out, but first I have to clear all of the knick-knacks that are right in front of it. Mom and dad sit and watch me. I pull the TV out and the cable box begins to fall off of the cabinet....I am trying to hold the phone, pull the TV out gently, hold the cable box from falling and hold a flash light to read the serial number. I have forgotten my reading glasses at home....which means that everything on the back of the TV looks like a "O". At this point...I make up a number and Tina asks me for a model number.....I realize I can't make this up without Tina realizing it, so I ask her for some choices. She is not amused....my mom is now yelling at my dad to give me his reading glasses....the TV is still blaring.....and I am at the end of my patience. I realize that this call is now useless and we need to draw it to an end...so I ask Tina if the "480I" that is in the upper right corner of the TV the resolution...she tells me it is the signal strength, and without a strong signal the high definition stations won't be clear. I thank her and hang up. Tina and I have solved their problem. The signal from their cable company is strong enough....I tell mom and dad to call the cable company....they ask me to do it....I laugh.....

Time to say goodbye

2011-08-31T23:03:00.004-04:00

So, this past weekend I had to take my Becky to college. She is starting her freshman year at Taylor.

I am so very proud of her....of the young woman that she has become.

When my Becky entered my life, I was just turning 30. We were living outside Morgantown, WV on a farm. Life was complicated at that point....but my Becky came along and she brought joy and contentment to me.

Becky seemed to smile from the moment she was born. She loved life....she loved to watch life....she loved to watch her sister play and run past her. She would smile whenever she saw me enter a room. She loved to be held, but didn't demand it. She was content. She has remained that way all through life....not demanding.

As I drove her up to college I had a profound sense of sadness....of regrets. I realized that I had taken advantage of her sweet, non-demanding nature. I was a new mom....and I didn't realize that just because my Becky didn't demand my hugs and kisses didn't mean that she didn't want them.

As the time drew near to say goodbye and leave her....I fought the deep urge to hold her and kiss her and hug her.....and make up for lost time. I wanted to make up for the lost hugs and kisses....I wanted to turn back the clock and claim a 'do-over.'

As I hugged her for that last time....my eyes filled with tears....and my soul overflowed with sadness.

I wanted to hold her and never let her go....but I missed that time in her life....and now I am in a new season, where I have to step back and let her go....I just wished I would have held her more before this time.

My Becky, I love you!

Growing love

2011-08-30T23:12:00.003-04:00

So, this weekend both of my girls had to be at college. My Katie back to Geneva for her junior year. My Becky to Taylor for her freshman year.

I am going to give a blog to each of them. But first I want to comment on my family and all of the emotions of it.

I realized something about my family this week. It wasn't a profound thought....I'm sure someone else has already vocalized this....but it was a new thought for me. I am in the season of diminishment, not growth. This is the opposite of my twenties and thirties, when my family was growing and getting louder.

I remember when I had my Katie. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good....it grew and the dynamics of our family changed and the way we related changed too....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my Becky. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed too.....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my David. When I brought him home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family changed too.....as did my love.....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed him fully.

Two years ago I took my Katie to college. She left my home, and it changed, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home was diminished....the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow.....and encompass her all the way in Pennsylvania. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I also began to see that Becky was able to grow.....the space that Katie had occupied was empty....and Becky was able to grow and expand into that space....she blossomed, and my love grew around her and encompassed her.

The way we related to one another within my home changed....it was different, but it didn't diminish our love for Katie...it was just different.

This year I took my Katie and my Becky to college...and my home changed again, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home diminished...the dynamics of our family and the way that we related changed too...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow....and encompass her all the way in Indiana. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I am now anxious to see how my David grows into the space that Becky had occupied. I am anxious to see how he blossoms and I know that my love will grow around him....

Not a momma's boy

2011-08-14T20:00:00.004-04:00

So, today I took my David out school shopping. He's 14 now....a freshman in high school. We went to several stores looking for good deals on name brand clothing. He likes to look good and smell even better. No longer were we looking for t-shirts with funny sayings. Yes, he is growing up.

On our way into the mall, he was in front of me. He opened the door and began to walk in. I was a little offended that he hadn't held the door opened for me....then I noticed he glanced behind him as he was walking through the door.....he quickly stopped and came back and held the door. I smiled as I walked through. I turned to thank him, but he was still holding the door.....turns out there was a dark haired, size 4, curvy young teenage girl behind me.

Nope, he's not a momma's boy anymore.....as a matter of fact....he seems more like a papa's boy.

A menopausal shooting mom

2011-06-24T19:21:00.003-04:00

So, I am a single mom. I have 3 children, a 20 year old daughter, a 17 year old daughter, and a 14 year old son. We have had a very 'girl' home for some years now. This spring both of my girls will be away at college, which will mean it will just be my son and me, and my little boy dog. I guess I will be outnumbered and then it will be a very 'boy' home.

In preparation for that day, I have decided that it's not enough to just start burping and farting and scratching, so I am in the process of joining the local rod and gun club. But I don't have enough money to do that, so I am working off my club fees.

This past week I went out to do my first 4 hours of manual labor. It was a very hot and humid night. I mean HOT. I had come home from work, quickly changed into my nasties, and went out. I had to trim hedges for a while, and then wash down some double doors and then tape and paint it with oil paint. It was hot, I had begun sweating during the hedge trimming, and once I start, I can not stop. So I'm standing at the front door of the lodge, taping and painting. Turns out there was some type of meeting going on that night. So, all the men were coming for the meeting. And there I was...let me paint you the picture. I was in nasty clothing and they were soak and wet from sweat. My hair was totally soaked, I mean, plastered to my head and sweat dripping off of it and running down my face, which caused my makeup to run down my cheeks. My face was bright red from being overheated....I was a sight, and I was meeting all these men for the first time.

One of them went inside and came out with a fan. I asked, "Oh, do you want me to use that to try to dry the oil paint faster?" He said, "No, it's for you."

And I thought I looked sexy....

Nicely done

2011-05-19T18:04:00.004-04:00

So, last night I walk into my house following work. I immediately smell a nasty odor wafting through the house....can't put my finger on it....but it's NAS-TY. I walk through the living room...there are my children on their laptops....and there is dog vomit on the carpet in the middle of the living room.

"Nice." I say as I continue to walk through.

I get to the kitchen...the nasty smell intensifies. I follow it....into the bathroom....there is a pot full of poo-stew. I almost vomit from the smell.....

"Nice." I say as I flush the toilet.

The poo-stew swirls around for a minute as it rises close to the rim.....clogged.

"Nice." I say as I walk out of the bathroom to find the plunger.

"Mommmmmmmm.....what's for dinner?" the children say from behind their laptops in the living room.

"Nice." I say as I walk out the front door and walk over to my neighbor's house for a NICE little break.

The constipated betta and me

2011-05-17T15:54:00.004-04:00

So, my Becky brought home a betta fish named Replacement Zach....don't ask. We really haven't had good luck with fish....any kind, any size....they last about two weeks, and then belly up. Needless to say, I figured this betta was doomed from the get-go and therefore I don't get too attached. Well, we've had Replacement Zach about two months now and I find myself warming up to this stupid fish. I like how he watches me when I enter the room...I like how he follows me when I walk through the room, by that I just mean he swims from one side of the bowl to the other, he doesn't literally follow me. Anyhow, the other day I walk into the room and I don't see Replacement Zach. I walk up to the bowl....and there he is....laying at the bottom of the bowl. I let out a loud, "Ahhhhhh....." and tap the bowl. He jumps, well not literally jumps, and swims up to see me. After a few minutes he sinks back to the bottom of the bowl. I am concerned.

When my Becky comes home I tell her about Replacement Zach. She googles his behavior and says, "Mom, Replacement Zach is constipated and that is why he sinks to the bottom of the bowl. We can't feed him for four days and then feed him a skinless pea....it should clean him out." We are in day 2 of the fast.

Can I just say that I have been having some stomach issues....I feel a bit "heavy," like I am sinking to the bottom of my bowl. So, today as I'm in the bathroom trying to work out my issues....it dawns on me that me and this betta have something in common....so I've decided to try the fast followed by a skinless pea....we'll see if it works.

Do you smell that?

2011-03-14T20:07:00.003-04:00

So, as most of you know...God tends to teach me in visuals. Okay...latest lesson came at the veterinarian office.

I was standing in the vet's office the other day waiting to take my little fluff ball in for his shots. It smells like a vet's office, you know, small animal urine. Suddenly a young man walks in but he is not dragging a dog or cat behind him. He has just stepped off a horse farm. He walks up to the counter and begins to talk of his horse. Suddenly...a strong smell hits my nose....it is disgusting....it is strong...it nearly brings tears to my eyes. I look down and his boots are covered in manure. I mean totally covered in them. I walk to the other side of the waiting room...trying to get as far away as possible. He finishes up at the counter and walks out. I wait a bit and walk back over to the chairs in the waiting room. Problem is...I still smell that smell. I try not to breath in....I hold my breath for a while. Still smell it.

I can't figure out why....it's been long enough. Suddenly I see it....a small dingle-berry of manure on the floor. It has fallen off farmer boy's boot. There it lays, a small turd...emitting this large odor.

Lesson learned....it only takes a small amount of sin to stink up a life.

Three part harmony

2011-02-26T16:58:00.004-05:00

So, my mom and dad were visiting. We were all sitting in the living room watching TV. I was talking on the phone to my sister. A commercial came on and my mom and I began to laugh at the same time....in the same way.....my sister asked me what was so funny and I said the Aflac commercial. Judy said, "The goat one....I love that one" and she began to laugh.

Becky laughed at us.....and I said.....I wouldn't laugh...you will become us.

O Christmas tree

2011-01-28T18:29:00.003-05:00

So, because of my job, December and January are very busy months for me....actually they are crazy! Anyhow, that tends to make me very late in getting my Christmas decorations up in my house....and really late in taking them down. I finally got my tree and decorations down this week.

On Tuesday night I began to take the bulbs off of the tree and my Becky came over and joined me. She stood there, right beside me.....I looked her right in the eye.....she could reach the same branches as me.

My mind wanders back a few years....it doesn't seem that long ago when she only stood up to my waist. I have always let the kids hang the decorations on the tree....so throughout the years I have watched my tree go from being only decorated on the bottom branches....to half of the tree.....to 2/3rds decorated...to this year.....when Becky was able to reach the top of the tree and take down the angel. As we continued to put the decorations into the boxes for storage.....my eyes fill with tears as I think of next year....when Becky will be at college as we put the tree up and as we take it down.

I love you Beck!

Trust and....

2011-01-11T23:22:00.003-05:00

So, I have looked over the past year and saw God's hand teaching me the meaning of my word for last year - "trust." I have been praying for my word for 2011....

and praying.....

and praying.....

I didn't really feel anything jumping out at me....well, that's what I kept telling myself....and others.

But I had heard my word.....and I kept hearing it.....but I didn't like it so I just kept asking for a new one. I feel like this word just might be a hard word.

But every time I prayed for a new word....this word kept coming to me.....and the funny thing is....I think this might have been my first lesson on the word.....

So......here it is.......I fear that when I say it that it's going to set me on a path that might be difficult....but here goes.....

My word for 2011 is "obey." Hang on tight....it's going to be a wild ride.

Trust affirmed

2011-01-10T22:13:00.004-05:00

So, it is the end of 2010. It's time for me to reflect on last year.

It was a good year....a hard year....but a good year.

My word for 2010 was "trust." I started the year with some simple, baby steps of "trusting" my Father. First there was the UK basketball tickets for my David, within one month of praying and trusting, David got to go to 2 UK games.

In April, I spent a day going on a spiritual retreat....a time of personal formation. It was profound for me....a deep, deep healing of my soul. It all centered around my word, "trust."

In May, Becky got her license, on the first try....way to go....she's a chip off the old block. As I watched her drive away all alone in a big Buick Lesabre, I had to trust my Father to protect her.

In August, my trust in God was put to the test....my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a pain and hurt so deep that I could not verbalize it. It cut me to the core....it re-opened some very real wounds....as a single mom, I had to hide my fear and lean deep into Jesus. I had to find a strength that was not my own...I had to "trust."

In September, my dad was given the "all clear" of cancer. They had found it in stage 1, unheard of for lung cancer.....trust affirmed.

In October, my Katie tore her ACL. Surgery up in Pennsylvania was scheduled....no knowledge of the doctor or hospital....no peace.....Katie texts me with a name of a doctor at my church....a few emails and phone calls and I have his name and number and have spoken to him on the phone.....my Father tells me to trust this doctor....we re-schedule surgery for Katie's Christmas break.

In November, I schedule a trip with my Becky to New York City to see Phantom of the Opera and to do the town. I find good prices on the flights, I find great seats at a good price for the Phantom, but I can not find a hotel, at least not in my price range. I pray about it....and God tells me to "trust" Him. It's one week before the trip and I still don't have a hotel room. A friend comes to see me, we are talking about the trip. She asks me where we are going to stay and I tell her that I haven't found a place yet. She recommends a hotel (it happens to be the hotel that I wanted to stay in but couldn't afford)......I tell her that I can't stay there. She asks if the rooms are all booked...I politely tell her that they have rooms, but they are not in my budget. She makes one phone call....she books Becky and I a room in that hotel....overlooking Times Square.....for two nights....on her. Trust in my kind Father.

Later in November, a friend and her husband invite my David and I down to see an LSU football game....box seats.....tailgating in the Chancellor's Club. Trust in my kind Father.

In December, Katie came home and had surgery....the doctor from my church....an angel for us....he was so sweet.....he prayed over Katie before surgery....he was a great surgeon.....and during the followup, Katie got an internship with this doctor for the summer....to help her with her new major. Trust in my kind Father.

It's been a good year....a year where I learned that I can TRUST my kind Father. He is worthy.

I come from a long line of em.

2011-01-07T20:25:00.004-05:00

So, I called my parent's last night. Turns out my younger sister was visiting....she answered the phone and we were talking....and laughing....and connecting like sisters do. She then began to do something that every daughter since the dawn of time has done....she begins to pick on mom a bit...now I know what you're thinking, "That's not very respectful or nice," right, like you've never done it to your mom....like my girls don't do it to me. I'm sure my mom has done it to her mom and her mom picked on her mom, and so on and so on....it's our heritage.

Anyhow, she dishes on mom a bit and I comment....then suddenly she said, "Where did mom go?" Then she says, "Oh my gosh, is she on the phone.....mom......mom......are you on the phone.......mom.....did you hear the phone line crack...she's on the phone isn't she." I begin to laugh....she continues to freak out as she walks to the kitchen to see if she finds mom on the phone.

"Mom.....mom........MOM, are you on the phone?" she asks.

Faintly I hear my mom respond, "No, I'm on the pot, not the phone."

I laughed as I ran to my own bathroom!

The tell-tale heart

2011-01-04T18:07:00.003-05:00

So....the other night I was on run number 574 of mom's taxi service to Lexington. It was the eve of New Year's eve....it was late....I had to go and pick up my oldest from her dad's house.

Now let me just say this...it was late.....let me say that again....it was late. So, I had already showered and was in my PJs, which include a very large pima cotton t-shirt, a pair of Scooby Doo boxers and an old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe.

When the call came, "Mom, come pick me up." I had a fleeting thought run through my mind...."maybe I should change into clothes." It was fleeting..the large oversized, comfy robe was calling me to resist that temptation. The robe won.

So, I get in my car, and drive northward. Side note....I'm fanatic about my car and funny sounds.
As I accelerate I hear a faint, "Thump, thump.................thump," come from under my car. I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have just been my imagination.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have been something stuck to my tire....maybe it's off now.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio off, this is driving me crazy.....and listen. Nothing. What on earth? Now my imagination begins to run to all of the unlikely things that this sound could be.....my engine ready to drop out....my transmission is ready to fall out.....my tire will drop off.....you get the idea.

I continue to drive....a few miles later....."Thump, thump...................thump, thump." Radio is still off.....now my imagination goes to crazy things.....is there a cat that was trying to warm himself on my engine caught under my car.....did I run over my dog backing out of the driveway and I am dragging him under my car.

I'm ready to vomit now, so I slow down and begin to pull over. As I slow down, I really hear the thumping. I reach over to put my purse down on the floor and I realize I'm stuck.....I can't reach over.....something is holding from pulling away from the door.....

That's when it all converges......my old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe that urged me to resist the temptation of putting on my clothes.....well, the tie of that robe was sticking out of the door and was the tell-tale robe.

Bounce Bounce Whoosh

2010-12-16T00:48:00.005-05:00

So, it is a snowy, cold evening and I am sitting in the living room all alone. I am thinking about a similar evening 17 years and 76 days ago....

It was September 30th, 1993 around 11:30pm. It was a cold and brisk....very brisk night. I was extremely pregnant, due any minute. I was laying in bed and Katie, who was 2 years old, and Don were playing beside me. He was rough housing with her. She was jumping up and he would catch her and throw her....they were having a fun time. I was laying on my side, facing them when suddenly Katie jumped up and came down right on my belly.....whoosh......my water broke. It was time.

We drove to the hospital...it was a clear night, brisk, with a hard frost. We pulled up to the hospital at around 1 am on October 1 and went inside. After some paperwork, they took me to my room, and when they checked me, they said I would be holding my little girl in less than an hour.

The doctor had to be awakened and called in...he wasn't very happy...one hour later....no baby girl....two hours later.....three.....four.....five.....the sun came up.....no baby girl. Finally around 10 am they said I could push....and push I did. Suddenly the doctor's face went grim...."Don't push!" he shouted. I panted my way through the next contractions....I was scared.....I had no idea what was going on.....finally he said, "Everything is okay, now push." It turns out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck...twice. But the doctor was able to get it off without any complications.

A few pushes later and I heard that familiar cry.....and there she was....my Becky. She was so beautiful, which didn't surprise me at all, because when I was deciding on her name....and thought of "Becky" all I could think was that every Becky that I have ever known has been beautiful....and so my Becky she would be.

The doctor had to hurry and leave...there was a West Virginia Mountaineer game and he had to get to it. Don had to get to work.....it was just Becky and I. We spent that whole day getting to know each other, just she and me. Those were quiet moments, special moments.....moments that I will cherish forever.....

And now tonight, I remember those moments because in only a few months she will be leaving for college. It's a clear, cold night.....and I still cherish her.

A snowy night alone

2010-12-03T00:12:00.003-05:00

So, fourteen years ago tonight....I sat in my living room, with all my Christmas lights turned on...the tree...the creche....the M&M lights around the doorway....the village....all aglow. I sat there, all alone......me and my baby to be. I was very pregnant....due any day....it was to be a boy. I had been in bed for about an hour, when suddenly I awoke to a familiar pain. It was getting close to the time when I would see his face. I went out to the living room, my two beautiful girls were tucked safely in bed. I turned on all the Christmas lights, and I sat there.....reading.....praying....and waiting to see his face....to hold him.

The pain went from every 15 minutes to every 10.....then to every 9.....8.....7......it was time to wake others up. We drove to the hospital....the roads were empty. It was an easy drive. We arrived and began preparations for his arrival.

My David was born on December 3rd, 1996. It was a Tuesday. He weighed 10 lbs. He was beautiful....we named him, David Nathaniel Hogan....."beloved of God, gift of God."

That was fourteen years ago tonight.....tonight.....I sit in my living room.....alone, well a dog beside me.....David and Becky asleep.....Katie away at college........and I am praying again.......praying for my David.

Next stop Hoboken

2010-11-15T18:31:00.004-05:00

So, what does an angel look like? Hebrews 13:2 says, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

I know some angels strike fear into those that see them, but it seems like maybe some don't look much different than us.

I spent the weekend in New York City....a visitor....not knowing how to use the Subway. I relied on the kindness of strangers....my angels for the weekend. The first one was a very kind, young New York policeman. He took the time to not only answer my questions, but teach me how to buy a subway card, and how much to put on it to get us from Times Square to Hoboken and back. The next one was a Metro worker. He put us on the right train with a beautiful smile. The next one was a kind couple who told us that we were on the wrong train and put us back in the right direction. The next one was a homeless man who pointed me to the right station. The next one was a young single girl. She helped us get to the right track, get on the right train and then she even exited at our stop and helped us figure out where we were and where we needed to go.

Who knew that angels travel by the subway.

A mulligan

2010-10-15T17:26:00.003-04:00

So, bad news....I just had another birthday. I turned 47.

Good news....I thought I turned 47 last year......so, it's like a do-over!

Clomp clomp boom

2010-09-24T18:14:00.004-04:00

So, okay, I admit it....I have become that crazy dog woman. I have resigned myself to the thought that when I am 70 years old, I will live in a house with 30 dogs and they will eat from my dishes (I hope not, but it's looking this way). Why do I say this? Because I have another dang dog post.

Yesterday I saw a blind woman walking downtown with her seeing-eye dog. I have lived in this small town for 14 years now, and this is the first time that I have seen her here....which means she is new in town. So my mind begins to run, "How does she walk to new places?" She must really trust that dog. She has no memory to use to help her navigate, it is total trust. If a step is there, the dog must tell her, if there is a pot hole or a skateboard laying on the sidewalk, the dog must take her around it.

This seems to be a visual of the verse, "We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7.

Walk by faith, not by sight....so my eyes should not be trusted in this world? I should walk my spiritual journey by faith...trusting God to warn me when there is a step, or a hole, or a danger in front of me.

I began to wonder what would happened if this young woman ran out ahead of her dog? Oh, I know that sounds silly in this instance, but trust me, I know, I often find myself face down from a fall because I got out ahead of God.

You can teach an old dog new tricks

2010-09-21T23:42:00.005-04:00

So, I don't want to be one of those crazy dog people....but what the heck.

Last night I was up in my bedroom and my Becky let Graham in from doing his bidness (business southern style) outside. I heard him coming in and knew what he would do. As soon as he gets in, he begins searching the house for me. So I turned off all the lights and ran into my closet and hid from him.....I know....I'm mean.

I hear Graham run up the stairs, as fast as he can, and I hear him come into my bedroom. All the lights are off, so he thinks I must be downstairs. He runs down the steps as fast as he can and I hear him running all over looking for me....kitchen, living room, dining room.....then I hear him run back up the stairs as fast as he can. This time he checks each bedroom along the way and comes back into my room. He goes into my bathroom, he runs back out and jumps up on the bed....then he runs downstairs as fast as he can. He runs to the downstairs bathroom, he checks the laundry room....back up the steps he runs as fast as he can. He comes into the bedroom and stops....and listens....and I hear his little nose going....then.....sniff, sniff, sniff, SNORT....under the closet door. He has found me.

When I emerge from the closet, his little tail is going crazy....he is patty-caking (his way of saying, "Pet me")....and he is so excited to see me. He is not mad at me for hiding from him....he does not think I am mean....he is just pleased to have found me.

I was convicted in that moment...not for how I hid from my dog....but for how I treat God. I do not, for the most part, run to find Him. I am not relentless in my search for Him at the start of each day....I am not relentless in my search for Him at the end of my day....as a matter of fact....for the most part....I make Him find me.

Okay......maybe I am becoming a crazy dog person.....because God is teaching this old dog a new trick.

A man's world

2010-08-31T23:04:00.003-04:00

So, tonight I was walking past the bathroom and I hear, "Mom, do you want to see a foot-long terd?"

I laughed out load....these are words that I have never heard my daughters utter.....life with a 13 year old boy.

A treasure chest full

2010-08-16T20:56:00.004-04:00

So, as a mom there are moments that are so very dear that they become little treasures that you store in a very safe place.

I have had several of those moments throughout the years with each of my children...Katie, Becky and David.

Just this past week, I have had a few of those moments with each of my children....one came just today....when my daughter Katie, told me one of the things that she loves about me.

She loves that I am "not quick to judge others" and that I do not "impose my ways on her, instead, when she asks for advice, I ask questions to walk her through processing her thoughts" (this is quoting her). She thinks that is a rare quality in mom's. I told her I wasn't sure about that...but I am sure about this, I have had moments when others have judged me, and I knew that there was so much more to the story, so I try to keep that in mind when things are happening....also, I have needed so much grace in my life, and therefore, I try to extend that same thing to others. Katie said, "Yeah mom, I appreciate that in you."

"...and Mary treasured these things in her heart."

Diggy, Dig, Dig

2010-07-31T19:03:00.001-04:00

So, the other day I am sitting in the living room with my son, David. He is on the computer and I am just sitting and relaxing.....but out of the corner of my eye, I see him scratching (similar to the scratching that happens in a baseball game)......so I say, "Hey, what are you digging for?"

He responds, without missing a beat, "Gold; and I just found two giant nuggets."

Oh, life with a 13 year old boy.

The look of love

2010-07-27T20:21:00.003-04:00

So, what does love look like? Is love only visible when those three words, "I love you," are spoken? Is love only visible on February 14th when flowers, candy and a cheesy card are sent? Is love only visible when a love song is sung?

I used to think that because my dad had never spoken, "I love you," to me, that he didn't "love" me. As I have grown, I have realized that love is truly visible in many forms that do not match my childhood expectations. In other words, my dad's love has been visible all the time...I just didn't have eyes to see it.

This week.....I SAW my dad's love. On Monday morning I was going to drive from Warren, Ohio back home to Wilmore. Now, I have a hard time staying awake when I drive...so one of my coping mechanisms is to have something to snack on in the car. Last week, my mom had bought big, beautiful, delicious bing cherries from Walmart. My dad and I had enjoyed them immensely. So, on Monday morning, my dad woke up early, like 6 am, and drove to Walmart to buy me some cherries for my drive home. When I got out of bed at 8 am....there was my dad in the kitchen washing a big bag of cherries for me to have on my drive home.

It was the most beautiful expression of love that I have seen in a long time.

"People may not believe what you say, but they will always believe what you do."

I have finally opened my eyes to see love....in all forms....from washing cherries, to buying me new tires for my car, to meeting eyes across a crowded room....I see love.

Scary Jesus

2010-06-17T19:41:00.009-04:00

So, have you ever driven up I-75 between Cincinnati and Dayton, Ohio? If so, you have seen the "Scary Jesus" statue....that's what we call it. It is also known as "Touchdown Jesus." It is a statue, around 6 stories tall, of Jesus coming up out of the ground, arms stretch up to the sky. It sits right behind a pond. It's scary....it almost caused me to wreck the first time I saw it...scared me half to death...and I couldn't stop rubber-necking at it. Let me show you a picture....it's much scarier in person....imagine 6 stories tall. It sits right in front of a church....the "Scary Jesus Church," as we call it.

Anyhow, this week.....it got struck by lighting and burnt to the ground. Now tell me this....who builds a half million dollar statue out of plastic foam and fiberglass??? Seriously. So, now all that remains is the steel frame.....and I thought it was disturbing before.

The big head

2010-06-15T17:35:00.003-04:00

So, my two younger children are at teen camp....yes, you read that right....my Davey-baby is now a teen. I don't think I like this getting older stuff.

Anyhow, they are at camp together. Today, my mom called to tell me that my children, both of them, got an award today.....I was so proud. Two Hogan's at camp....and both of them got an award....that will show those holier-than-thou people what a GREAT mother I am. Yes....all of this was swirling about in my head....then my mom said, "Don't you want to know why they won." I proudly said, "Yes." She said, "Becky won for the cleanest room." My head begins to swell....I'm not certain that I will be able to get it out of the room. "Yes, and what about my David." My mom laughed and said, "David won for messiest room."

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.......my head was quickly back to normal.

Sweet moments

2010-06-05T21:32:00.002-04:00

So, I am sitting on the couch, legs curled up to the side of me....my dog comes up and curls up in my legs, right next to my rear end.

It's a sweet moment...dog and master.....then, the master lets one rip....and the dog gets up, snorts and walks down to the other end of the couch.

So much for the sweet moment.

An eternal cornucopia

2010-06-01T18:30:00.002-04:00

So, I was talking with a friend about the whole Myers Briggs Personality Type thing...I have had several friends talk in this MB code....."Your desk screams P"....."You are such and E"......"Your N really nailed that person"....."You F's kill me." I have never really understood much about it.

Well, I got a new explanation of it all and I was intrigued. So I spent some time reading about my type...I am an ESFP. The description said that an ESFP is a Performer. As I read the description, I laughed out loud....it was so me...it was like looking into a mirror.

Of all the things that I read....this line is my favorite....this sums me up....this WILL be on my tombstone:

Performers view life as an eternal cornucopia from which flows an endless supply of pleasures.

Oh Shi...I mean shoot

2010-05-26T21:19:00.005-04:00

So, last night I was watching TV with my David...he was controlling the flipper (surprise). We were watching soccer. I decided to discuss the game with him, since he plays on a traveling team.

We begin discussing the strategies of the game...for scoring....for corner kicks....and then I began to discuss the throw-ins. I told David to watch how they move and do runs for the throw-in. But instead of showing the field, the camera man decides to zoom in for a close up on the thrower....I holler out an expletive at the camera man. My David begins to say that word over and over again. Then he says, "Mom, from now on anytime you swear, I am going to begin to use that word in my vocabulary."

Seriously?

So I begin to make a deal with him...."Okay,seriously, you made your point." He says, "No, I am serious mom. Anytime you use a word, it opens it up for me." I beg him to start over....from that point on and he agrees.

So, my vocabulary is changing...I'm cleaning up a bit. You know...this humbled me....my David just called me out on what mothering is all about...me teaching and mentoring my children. It was a wake up call to reality.

BR 549

2010-05-24T21:41:00.002-04:00

So, tonight I am driving through the metropolis of downtown Wilmore. There is a portly, older farmer fellow slowly plodding along the sidewalk. He is wearing a pair of bib overalls with a hankie hanging from his front pocket. His head is hanging and he is shuffling his feet along...it's been a long day. Right behind him is his dog....a bassett hound....his ears are hanging and he is shuffling his feet along right behind his owner.

Now I have seen pictures that capture the essence of Wilmore....but this one just might take the cake.

Look mom, no hands

2010-05-22T12:12:00.004-04:00

So, yesterday I took my Becky to take her driver's test. We had spent hours on the road preparing for this test. We had practiced and practiced and practice parallel parking....we had some weeping and gnashing of teeth....but Becky persevered with my excellent teaching ability and now it was time to test her skills (and my coaching).

We walked into a small cinder block building (dark, ominous music playing)....it looked like it was built in 1950 and was furnished that same year. There were 2 KY State Highway Patrol officers, one giving written tests and the other giving the driving test. Becky went up and gave them her paperwork and then she and one of the officers walked out to go to the car. I sat there and waited.

The door opened 10 minutes later and in walked the officer....my heart sank. That was too short of a time to be good news. I began to formulate my consoling remarks. Becky walked in, and she was aglow. She had passed.

I was so happy for her and yet so nervous....another child on the unforgiving Kentucky roads. This is one of those memorable moments...when the little bird flies out of the nest for the first time....and you can only sit and watch....and pray...

As she got into the Buick to drive to school all alone...I said the first of many of these types of prayers, "Lord, she is leaving my reach of protection and entering yours....please watch over her and keep her safe."

It's Disney World

2010-05-18T19:55:00.003-04:00

So, yesterday I had to drive down past Knoxville, TN to visit a donor. As I was driving along, all by myself, I had a lot of time to think...I have driven down I-75 a million times....for work and for pleasure. It is the main road that leads to any state south of Kentucky, specifically Florida.

Anyhow, as I was driving down I-75 in Tennessee, I crested the hill and saw the fireworks store that has the ferris wheel, the world's longest firetruck, rockets and other tacky lawn decorations. I remembered many years ago...my David was only about 3 years old. We were heading down to Orlando to go to Disney World. The kids were so excited. I had started the drive after work in the evening. We had been driving for a couple of hours and we crested that hill and there was that fireworks superstore all aglow. The ferris wheel was lit, the world's longest firetruck was lit, the rockets, the fence and all the tacky ornaments were lit.....the place was glowing in the dark. My David's eyes got huge and he screams, "Look......it's Disney World." We all laughed because we knew it was just the cheap, tacky fireworks store and that it PALED in comparison to Disney World.

Anyhow, yesterday as I crested the hill and saw "Disney World" I wondered how many times as I have been on my spiritual journey, have I been content to stop short, and not complete the full journey to the destination.....how many times have I been content to stop at a cheap imitation of Disney World? How many times has God smiled and laughed as I screamed, "Look God, it's Disney World"....

My butt will catch the next flight here

2010-05-10T22:13:00.006-04:00

So, the other day my friend and I were driving into work. We were in the midst of a big weekend at work....early mornings.....late nights.....long, long hours. I was at the end of my rope....all out of gas. Suddenly, flying across the road, right in front of our windshield, flew two Canadian geese. These two geese were fat ones.....and their butts were dragging.....they were having a very hard time getting their butts off the ground. As a matter of fact....our car barely cleared their dragging butts. My friend and I busted out laughing....these geese were the visuals of how we felt that day.....

A dirty window

2010-05-09T00:26:00.005-04:00

So, tonight I will give you a quick glimpse through the window to my soul....and it has to do with being a mother....and my Becky.

It is 12:30am....my Becky walked out the door tonight at 6:00pm....with a boy.....my Becky was in a little, sexy, sequence teal gown....cut down to there and up to here....they were on their way to prom. As I kissed my daughter good-bye and let her walk away with this young man...I felt extremely sad.

That was at 6:00pm....it's now 12:30am....I am no longer sad.....I have ventured into mad.

Let me ask this question, why is it, that when the last words that you told your daughter was, "Call me or text me and let me know what the plans are for the evening....no curfew, just keep me informed." Well, why is it that in 6 and a half hours there has been no correspondence? This was not a difficult or unreasonable request....was it?

Anyhow, right now....I am fighting the urge to stop incessantly hitting re-dial....and go get in my car.....with my oversized sleeping shirt, no bra....so boobs hanging down to my knees.....scooby-doo boxer shorts, and big old terry-cloth robe and drive out to prom and find my Becky....

There you have it...a glimpse in my window......it is about as pretty as the outfit that I have on.

Windows of the soul

2010-05-05T22:19:00.003-04:00

So, I am reading "Windows of the Soul," by Ken Gire. It has opened my eyes to look at the meaning in moments and people. Yesterday, I looked through the window to my Becky's soul.

Becky got larvae and a butterfly home to watch the life cycle of a butterfly. She got about 7 larvae and we watched them climb to the top of the container and begin to harden into their chrysalis. We waited and watched....nothing. But one day we awoke to 2 butterflies in the butterfly habitat....then a few hours later and 3 more appeared.

Becky fed them and watched them...then she decided it was time to let them go. They only live 2 to 4 weeks, and she couldn't stand the thought of them having to spend their short lives in a net....she wanted them to fly free. So, she took them out and 4 of them flew high into the sky and flew away....but one remained.

Becky looked at the poor thing, and his wings did not form properly, he couldn't fly. So, she left him in the habitat net and took him back in the house. She continued to care for him.

Last night, when I came home from work, there was Becky. She had her little butterfly outside. She placed him in an iris in the middle of an iris patch. She stood over him, watching him and protecting him from any birds that might see him as dinner. She stood there for a long time, moving him from one flower to the next....allowing him to drink from a real flower, not just sugar water.

Yes, I saw into my daughter's soul.....and what a beautiful soul she has.....caring for one of God's smallest creatures....caring and nurturing and protecting him...what a beautiful glimpse of the woman is becoming.

Ruff Ruff

2010-04-28T12:49:00.006-04:00

So, since God has created me and knows me very well....He knows that sometimes I need a simple visual....a little lesson to help me along this journey.

Today's lesson came from my dog, Graham....I told you God knows me.

I put Graham out on his chain to do his business. After a little while...I hear a small "ruff." I go to the door and Graham is standing out in the grass. His chain, which can usually allow him to come back to the door, is stuck on something out in the yard. Now Graham has no idea what he is stuck on...he just knows that as he was walking up to the door....his chain abruptly pulled him to a stop out in the grass. So, he "ruffs" for help.

I walk out and instead of releasing his chain, I actually move the object that his chain was stuck on and put it back where it belongs. I have not touched Graham's chain. I just moved what it was around. I walk back to the door and say, "Graham, come." He looks at me and cocks his head. He has not felt his chain be released and therefore, he is hesitant. I say again, "Graham, come on." This time Graham is looking me dead in the eye, and he leaps forward to come.

How many times have I been stuck in life....not knowing what I was even stuck on....just stuck. And how many times have I heard my Master say, "Trust me, come on." And how many times have I hesitated. Will I ever get to the place that when my Master says, "Come." I leap forward in total trust?

A national opinion poll

2010-04-25T20:45:00.005-04:00

So, tonight I am washing dishes and the home phone rings. (Now let me just take a side bar here....nobody calls my home phone, well, nobody who really knows me....all of my friends have my cell phone number.) Anyhow, the home phone rings and David answers it. He listens for a moment and then says, "Mom, I think it is for you."

Argh.....now I know this is not a call that I want to take.

I answer, "Hello, this is Tammy."

At this point, a woman says, "We are the ___ ____ association and we are taking a poll of national opinion."

She then asks, "Is there a registered male voter in the household that I could speak to?"

Well, I have to tell you....SHE HAS MY ATTENTION NOW.

I say, "No, there is not a male registered voter in this household."

She then has the audacity to say, "Oh, okay, well then I will ask for your opinions."

Welllllllll.............this did not sit well with me.......

I say, "I am sorry. Based upon your first question, you have forfeited the right to know my opinion now. If you want the opinion of any respectable woman, I would change that first question."

And I hung up.

Strap me in

2010-04-21T22:20:00.002-04:00

So, last night when I came home from work, Becky says, "Mom, I have to be at school tomorrow at 6:15am for the play." Wow...fun times, but this is our life right now.

Well, I sit down on the couch and Becky lays down on me and falls asleep....she has a crazy schedule right now with school and homework and play. While I'm sitting there David calls from his away soccer game and tells me the game is over and asks me to come and get him so he doesn't have to wait for the girl's game to end and then ride the bus home. I slip out from under Becky and leave her sleeping and go get David.

At 8:15pm, David and I get home from the soccer game and open the door and Becky comes running into the kitchen yelling at me...."Mom, oh my gosh....why did you let me sleep so late? I was supposed to be at school at 6:15!!!! Oh, Brink is going to kill me....oh she's going to kill me." I respond, "Beck, I'm sorry. I thought you said you had to be at school at 6:15 tomorrow!" She screams, "Oh my gosh, NO....it was today! She's going to be so mad." Then she runs upstairs.

David and I are left standing in the kitchen. David looks at me and says, "Where did she go?"

"I have no idea," I reply. We stand there for a minute and we hear the shower turn on upstairs.

David looks at me and says, "Is she taking a shower?"

"I guess so," I reply.

We stand there for a few minutes and then decide to sit down in the living room. David looks at me and says, "This is weird. Why would she shower if she was so late? She didn't look dirty to me."

I shrug my shoulders. David says, "Why don't you go up and ask her what she's doing."

I look at him and say, "No way...she already took my head off once. I'm not asking her...you go do it."

"NO WAY," he responds.

So, we wait....the shower turns off and she comes running down the stairs....hair dripping wet, and she is dressing as she comes down. She runs into the living room and says, "Are we going to get going?"

I jump up and tell her that I was just waiting for her. She then says, "Isn't David going to school today?"

"What? Why would David have to come with us?" I ask.

"Well, are you going to let him skip school today?" Becky asks.

I then understand what is going on....Becky woke up from her nap and thought she had slept through the night....she thought it was 8:15 am....but it was 8:15pm. When I told her that....as she was standing there with hair dripping....well, we all burst out laughing.

Oh....the joys of a teenage girls emotional roller coaster when sleep deprived!

When the lights go down in the city

2010-04-20T17:44:00.003-04:00

So, my Becky is in this year's high school musical, The Wizard of Oz. She is one of the Lullaby League, a flying monkey and she is one of the featured dancers in the Jitter Bug.

I went and saw her perform last week...can I just say, I am so proud of my Becky.

She shines on stage....she is beautiful and when she smiles, the stage lights up.

I remember two years ago, when she wouldn't try out for the plays....instead she was on tech crew....coming out on the stage in all black only when the lights go out. But now, well now, she comes out on stage in beautiful costumes, when the spotlights are on her. She dances and sings and she shines.

I sat there and thought how far my Becky has come and how much she has grown up. No longer is she content to remain behind the scenes...no longer is she content to sit and watch the play happen and wait for the lights to dim. Now, she is confident and ready to face the audience.

It is how it should be....she's a junior now. I can see that she is getting ready to step out on the stage of life. Where I, as her mom, will become the spectator of her life...I am so sad, and yet so proud! You go Becky, I am your biggest fan! I love you!

Today's your birthday

2010-04-19T22:36:00.004-04:00

So, today is my Katie's 19th birthday....she is 19 on the 19th.

Last year I had her with me on her birthday....last year was her 18th....and we had a cake for her and we gave her presents....

This year she is away at college....we didn't have cake....we had to mail her a card....no presents....

I know this is all part of growing up....and them growing independent and moving on....but, well, sometimes it hurts....19 years ago today....I saw her face to face and held her and began a love that has only grown stronger through the years....and today.....I can not see her face (because she won't be my friend on facebook) and I can not hold her.....but....I still love her....and it continues to grow.

Happy birthday my katie! I love you.

David and Goliath

2010-04-19T18:38:00.005-04:00

So, this past weekend I spent the weekend in Cincinnati with my son, David, for a soccer tournament. My David is in the U-13 league...under 13, an interesting age in boys....

My David has always been tall for his age...he came into the world at 10 lbs. This year I have noticed that he is not always the tallest boy on the field anymore. As a matter of fact, at the start of one game, David was standing next to what I assumed was a man....maybe a ref or something....but he had on a uniform for the other team. David looks at me and rubs his chin and says, "I think he shaves." Then his eyes gets huge as he looks at this giant that he is going to defend.

David and I get in the car to come home and he falls asleep. The sunroof was open and the sun was shining in on his sweet face.....freckles.....peach-fuzz on his face...skin still baby smooth.....I look at him and smile. I think how much I wish he would stay like this....my sweet little boy.....no pimples....no straggly long hairs on his chin....no cuts from trying to shave.....just my baby boy's smooth little skin.

Then I think of him out on that field next to Goliath....David wanted nothing more than to stand up tall against this man....he wanted to be able to compete....he wanted to have hair on his chin...he wants to grow up.

Yes, it is how it should be....I can not wish or want to keep my David a little boy....he is becoming a young man....and soon, he will be the one on the field with facial hair.

Two plus two

2010-04-10T21:09:00.002-04:00

So the other day, I had to call Sun Trust Bank. I dial the number and hear, "For hot sex now, stay on the line."

Needless to say....that got my attention....what the heck was Sun Trust up to. So...I'm sitting there wondering...do I stay on the line to find out....but if I do stay on the line...apparently I will get hot sex now......ohhhhhhh.....it's a dilemma.

Anyhow, I quickly hang up and realized what I have done....I transposed two numbers....so I called again and guess what, Sun Trust does answer their phone differently....."For great rates now, stay on the line."

Ohhhh....the irony of two numbers and two words!

Hey hillbilly

2010-04-07T21:44:00.005-04:00

So, I find that God teaches me lessons from my own mouth...that I tend to be the illustration....I guess He knows that I need a very personal illustration.

Yesterday Becky and I were driving out of a parking garage in Lexington. I had gotten our parking ticket validated in the doctor's office. Becky pulls up behind the car at the toll booth....it is a typical eastern Kentucky looking car....with a typical eastern Kentucky looking hillbilly....er....I mean gentleman.

Well, he hands his parking ticket to the attendee and the attendee says something to him, and the hillbilly....er....gentleman begins to scrounge around his front seat for coins.....to which I announce, "Nice....hey hillbilly....it's always helpful to have the money out BEFORE pulling up to the toll booth."

It's our turn now...Becky pulls up to the booth, I hand her the parking ticket and she hands it to the attendee. He says, "That will be 75 cents." I say, "It was validated." He says, "Yep, it was, and that means that you get to park here for 75 cents.".....

So, as I begin to scrounge around the front seat for coins.....I begin to laugh and say, "Hmmm.....now who's the hillbilly who didn't have her money ready." Becky chuckles and says, "I wondered if you would realize that."

Yep....God has a way of teaching me through my own stupidity.

Paint by numbers

2010-04-06T00:00:00.003-04:00

So, have you ever wondered how all the pieces parts of our life fit together in our spiritual journey? I do.

I am currently working through some spiritual formation material....one of the quotes that I ran across was this: "God has a holy will that draws every fragment of our lives into a beautiful mosaic of faith."

This caught my attention....just last night I was watching a Samantha Brown's travel show. She was visiting a city in Europe and she went to a shop that specialize in mosaics. Samantha was learning how to make a mosaic. She started with a drawing of a flower. Next, she began to break off pieces of glass....painstakingly breaking the right shade of color of the glass into the right shape and size....creating thousands of fragments of glass which she then began to place within the lines of the drawing. She asked the master why he spends so much time to make a mosaic instead of just painting the picture. He replied, "Look at the grand frescoes that were painted hundreds of years ago. The paint is fading, the color disappearing. But a mosaic made at the same time is still as vibrant and full of color as the day it was made. A mosaic does not fade. The beauty lasts."

Wow....so God prefers to create in a mosaic. He draws a grand outline....and instead of allowing me to quickly paint within the lines....using a brush to apply the color in one continuous stroke....instead.....He lets me create fragments....each one a different size and shape and color......and He is able to take the fragmented pieces of my life...each one just a fragmented piece on its own....but placed together....in His grand outline for my life.....and it is a beautiful piece of art that will not fade.

An Easter feast

2010-04-04T20:55:00.002-04:00

So, here is an update on week 2 of my dog's diet. It's been a tough week on him....more growling over a bowl full of carrots....more barking at the treat door.....

But today...well today was a grand day for Graham. I had cooked a turkey with all the fixin's for lunch. I had put the grease and bones and fat from the turkey in the garbage bag....and I had pulled the bag out of the garbage can in the kitchen, and I set it on the floor to take it to the garbage can outside.

So, I got invited over to a friend's house for supper and quickly ran out of the house to be on time to supper. Yep....I forgot about the garbage bag on the kitchen floor.

Upon my return....I found my dog, laying in the midst of turkey drippings.....whiskers all greasy from the feast.....turkey breath.....and a very FULL belly. So much for this week's weigh-in.

Grrrrrrr.....

2010-03-24T12:53:00.007-04:00

So, have you ever tried to put your dog on a diet....not fun.

My little guy has put on a couple of pounds this past winter. The vet tells me that each pound for his size is equivalent to about 20 pounds on a person....yikes. So, Graham is on a diet. He's not happy. As a matter of fact he reminds me of myself on a diet....cranky....grouchy....and just kind of sassy about everything.

He growls at me and stares at the closet that holds his treat....he goes over to his empty food bowl and barks at me...so I go to the fridge and come back with a few carrots for him....he "gruffs" at me and walks away....I turn and go back to what I was doing....he waits and waits and waits....finally he quietly goes over to his food bowl and eats the carrots.

Sorry fella, I know exactly what you are feeling....mom is on a diet too!

Porch time

2010-03-22T22:04:00.003-04:00

So, this past week I went down to Orlando for a work event. Instead of staying at a hotel, I stayed with some friends.....they work on the Orlando campus and I work on the Wilmore campus. We have been building up a long distance friendship through the phones and email. This past week I got to spend downtime with them....we laughed until we cried. As I sat there in this group of friends...I realized how much they mean to me...each one. I realized how they are some of my very dearest friends...yes, in this new era....I can have very dear, dear friends live 12 hours from me.

Thanks for the porch time, southern style!

Let me kiss it

2010-03-15T18:01:00.003-04:00

So, this past weekend I went back home to attend the funeral of my aunt Nelda. It was hard to watch my cousins have to go through the loss of their mom.....

At the end of the funeral, we formed a circle around the sanctuary and sang "Blest be the ties that bind." As we sang, the mortician came in to close the casket. He lowered my aunt down into the casket and then tucked the lining of the casket around her and then closed the lid. Two of my cousins could not watch that.....tears streaming down their faces they stared into the air....one of my cousins and my uncle watched....they did not want to not miss one minute of the time that they had left looking at her.....

I stood there watching and thinking...your mom is there for you all through your life....teaching and nurturing.....kissing your boo-boos and teaching you how to go through the difficulties of life. How ironic it was their mom had probably tucked them into bed thousands of times.....and yet here they were....watching a stranger tuck her in for the last time.....and she was not there to kiss away the pain.

I know why the caged bird sings

2010-03-09T20:16:00.002-05:00

I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I know about singing with a fearful trill....of singing of things unknown but longed for still, I know about standing on a grave of dreams. But sometimes I fear that I have forgotten my song of freedom.

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The forgotten song

2010-03-04T18:33:00.002-05:00

So, it's been a very LONG, cold, hard winter here in Kentucky. I mean long and cold....no sunshine...no warmth....just cold and gray. BUT today.....today, I saw the sunshine.....and I heard birds sing.....and I smelled dirt.

That made me want to sit on my porch....so I sat on my front porch.....closed my eyes and listened to the birds sing. Before today, I was convinced that even the birds were depressed over the long winter....it seemed that they had forgotten their song. But today....today they sang their songs loudly and I sat on the porch and listened to them.

I had forgotten how wonderful dirt smells....the earth....but today, I smelled the earth and it restored my hope.

I had forgotten how warm the sunshine is....how it can seep into the very depths of my being....but today....I let it seep into my soul.

Yes, I sat on my porch and took the sounds and smells and warmth of the day in.....it was a very good day.....and I know that I can make it to spring now....I will keep humming the song of the birds until they can sing me awake every morning this spring.

I am illustrated

2010-03-02T18:07:00.003-05:00

So, this past weekend I had urgent need to rent a truck....a moving truck. The last time that I was in a moving truck was almost 2 years ago. It was a 24 foot Penske truck. A friend (and co-worker) and I were doing a road trip for work....heading to Florida.

It was a very long drive....we were taking turns at the wheel. It was my friend's turn to drive. We stopped for a break and I turned to start down the 2 steps from the cab of this very large truck and my foot got caught and out I fell....backward.....my head crashing on the cement road beneath me.

Anyhow, that was 2 years ago....but I am still a little apprehensive to get back into a moving truck. My fears were quickly turned to laughter as I noticed a very large sticker on the dashboard.

It said, "WARNING: Can cause serious injury / death." And the picture was this:

I began to laugh...I'm an illustration....I'm a stick-figure....if only they would have had this sticker in that truck 2 years ago...maybe I would have heeded the warning and not thrown myself out backward.

Refined mice

2010-02-24T21:47:00.007-05:00

So, my Becky had to pull an all-nighter this week to prepare for a test. The next morning she loudly proclaims...."Mom, we have a mouse in the house. Please get rid of it!" as she parades around the house in shoes because she is afraid of the mouse.

Now can I just say this, I am not a cat fan....I prefer a dog....but in this instance....I picture my dog laying around the house all day while these mice have a party in my house and I wonder why I don't have a cat....it's a fleeting moment.

Anyhow, that night I ran to Lowe's for some mouse traps....I buy old-faithfuls, the wooden ones that kill the mice.

That night I loaded four of them with cheese...as I loaded them my Becky comes into see what I am doing. I show her...she then says, "Do these things kill the mouse?" I say, "Yes....as a matter of fact, these babies are so tight that I think they will decapitate the mice."

Becky then says, "Mommmmmm.....you can't kill the mouse!"

My David, who is 13 and all boy, says, "Ohhhh cool."

I tell him that it is his job to check the traps in the morning and get rid of the dead bodies.

Next morning....I wake David up and he goes to check the traps...."Nothing."

Becky sighs with relief.

Last night I load the traps with peanut butter....."We'll have mices in the morning."

This morning....no mices.....David is disgusted and Becky sighs with relief..."You know mom....we could just let the mice live in here."

So, tonight.....well.....I think I will put cheese and crackers and maybe a little wine out for them....or maybe my cheese is too strong.

Wibble wobble wibble wobble to and fro

2010-02-12T16:49:00.004-05:00

So, I am a crazy mom....I mean the kind of mom that freaks out when I loose track of any of my children. I remember one such time when I took my kids to Disney World.

My David was 3 years old and my Becky was 6 and my Katie was 8. We went with a friend of mine and her three children. We were trying to keep track of 6 kids, so we would strategically place one adult in the front of the six kids and the other at the end of the line. Our system was working well....until the "Lion King."

We were leaving the "Lion King" show....there was a large crowd of people filing out of the auditorium. We decided that we should stop and check the map to see where we would go next. So, we filed out and found a little nook that we could step out from the crowd and check the map. Front adult stepped to the left.....kids followed....I was bringing up the rear and stepped to the left....I then began my count of the kids....1, 2, 3, 4, 5........5.......where was my David?

My heart stopped.....no David. Where was he? I ran to find a Disney World employee while the others began a search of the area. My heart stopped....my mind going in all kinds of directions...what if someone stole my son....what if that was the last time that I saw my son....what if I never hugged him again....I wanted to vomit.

Twenty minutes later they radioed to me that they had found David. He was only a few hundred yards from the Lion King show. While we had filed out of the show...and stepped out of the line....he had just continued to follow an adult butt....not realizing it was not his mommy's butt that he was following.

My advice to young parents......make a big mark on your butt, something that is unique so that your little ones follow the right butt.

There's a hole in the bucket

2010-02-11T06:07:00.003-05:00

So, I have been struggling to describe what I am feeling inside lately. I think that I would describe it as "empty."

Empty means lacking reality, substance, meaning or value; or having no purpose. Another word would be "vacuous" - meaning lacking contents that should be present.

What has caused this emptiness? Why am I lacking meaning and value? What contents should be present?

So, I begin to try to pour the contents that should be present back into me....I begin to find ways to pour meaning and value back into my life....

I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart

2010-02-10T18:18:00.004-05:00

So, someone sent me this today and it made me laugh.

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones' chest, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own heart. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment. Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart. "Listen," she said...."What do you suppose that is?" He drew up his eyebrows and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap - tap - tapping deep in his chest. Then his face brok out in a wondrous grin and he asked, "Is that Jesus knocking?"

I laugh because this reminds me of my great niece Hannah. She and her nee-nee (aka, my sister) were laying in bed one night discussing how Jesus lives in your heart. Hannah rolled over to the edge of the bed and gasped...."Nee-nee, I think Jesus just fell out of bed."

I am here

2010-02-05T17:20:00.005-05:00

So, last night I went to the Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts in Louisville to watch my son perform in the All State Junior Chorus. There was a full house, which meant there were over 2,000 people in the audience.

My son walked out onto the stage. I was so proud....there was my little boy, all grown up....on stage in Louisville.

The KMEA staff went through the introductions and formalities. As they were going through them....there was my son, hand up on his forehead trying to block out the spotlights so he could find me in the audience. It did not matter to him that his cool best friend was not looking for his mom....my David was going to find me. He was scanning the audience, back and forth. Problem was that I was in the very back row. I stood up and lit up my cell phone and began to wave my arms back and forth with cell phone light glowing. David continue to scan the audience....hand blocking out the spotlights.....scanning.....scanning.....and then he saw me. He smiled and his face glowed....he was contented.....and he could sing now.

I wondered....is God scanning the crowd for me.....and when He sees me, does His face light up?

The top shelf

2010-02-05T00:16:00.002-05:00

So, tonight when I finished my shower, I began to dry off....starting with my hair. I caught my earring in the towel and felt it come out of my ear. I did NOT hear it hit the shower floor. That worried me....since these are the earrings that David bought me for Christmas last year.

I began to look for the earring in the towel.....nothing.

I felt my earlobe.....nothing.

I am perplexed......then I look down, and there is the earring.....sitting right on top of my boob. Seriously? It's time for a reduction.

Trust me....

2010-02-02T23:09:00.004-05:00

So, I am in the second month of my year of "Trust." Hmmm......what could month number two hold. In my typical fashion...I didn't figure it would hold much.

Last month I said a simple prayer asking God to let my David get to see the UK Wildcats play basketball in person. Within four days....David was sitting at Rupp Arena watching the Cats play basketball. God had amazed me.

Ephesians 3: 20 states, Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...

Immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine...seriously?

So last night I am washing dishes and my cell phone rings. It's a friend of mine...Steve. Steve asks if he can speak to David. I put David on the phone. David's face begins to shine....I have no idea what is going on but David is smiling from ear to ear. He hangs up....Steve had asked him to go to tonight's UK basketball game.

Immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine....well.....I asked for David to get to see one UK basketball game this season....within one month of that prayer....he's up to two!

Orbit....for the dirty mouth

2010-01-29T18:22:00.002-05:00

So, my dog, Graham, walks over to me and sneaks in a quick kiss.....

Anyhow, I have been rejected by all kinds of men in my life.....but now this is a new all time low....

As soon as he finishes with his stealth kiss....he starts to sneeze and then jumps down on the rug and begins to rub his face all over the place.

Hi mom

2010-01-29T16:50:00.002-05:00

So, I was getting ready for work the other morning...you know, doing hair, pouring cereal, putting on my makeup, packing lunches....etc. I was running a little behind and trying to get the kids ready for the bus so that I could scoot out the door to get to work. My cell phone rang....it was my Katie. I miss her.

She said, "Mom, get on the computer and look at the webcam for Geneva."

I did.....and there was my Katie.....waving at me.

Talk about a GREAT way to start my morning!

The sweetest sound on earth

2010-01-26T07:42:00.003-05:00

So, last night my children, Becky and David, came into my bedroom while I was getting ready for bed.

Becky decided it was time to do my nails. What a treat!

David decided it was time to entertain us....so he began. We laughed and joined in with his crazy antics.

Then Becky and David start showing each other their newly forming six-pack. I say, "Do you want to see mine?"

David's eyes get huge and he says, "Nooooooooooooo...."

Here's the thing.....if you tell your children that your boobs hang to your knees......and you are in your PJs.......and you tell your children that you are going to show them your belly..........then don't be surprised when you say that you are going to show them your belly and they have total FEAR in their eyes!

I love to laugh with my children.

Does this make me look fat?

2010-01-25T12:56:00.002-05:00

So, this past weekend I went shopping with a friend....a friend who also enjoys the absurdity of life.

We walk into a store of woman's clothing....aka....they got my size. Anyhow, so the sales lady walks up to me....now you would think that this store for us larger women would employ larger women.....but oh no, I just happen to get the one who is a size 2....petite....I hated her immediately.

Anyhow, my friend is telling this sales ASSociate that she is introducing me to the idea of woman's clothing...you know, where the sizes run a little larger for us fuller-figured ladies. Anyhow, the sales ASSociate disappears and returns with a shirt that she is CERTAIN will fit me.....

She says, "It runs HUGE, so I know that it will fit you."

My friend and I burst out laughing....laugh or cry....you decide.

Do your ears hang low?

2010-01-22T20:58:00.005-05:00

So, today I was standing in a circle at work. I happen to be the oldest woman on my floor. Anyhow, so I look around the room at all the ladies there, and I notice something. Several of us have our arms folded in front of us....I happen to be one of them.

Here's the thing though, the 20-somethings in the room, well, they have their arms crossed and they are crossed under their boobs....while mine.....well.......mine are crossed but they are resting on top of my boobs.

You gotta love Kentucky

2010-01-21T20:34:00.004-05:00

So, I happen to LOVE watching the local news here in Kentucky. I do it when I need to laugh.

Last night this story ran....enjoy it:

A Burglary A Stabbing And A Turtle

Posted: Jan 21, 2010 5:52 AM
Updated: Jan 21, 2010 7:32 AM

A turtle found itself caught in the middle of a domestic dispute in Nicholasville early Thursday morning.

Police say a man and a woman showed up at an apartment complex on Grinder Court around 2 a.m. The man planned to help the woman move out of her ex-boyfriend's home. At some point, police say the man forced his way into the former boyfriend's apartment and punched him. The resident stabbed the man in the leg in self defense, just as the woman threw the pet turtle, cracking its shell.

The stabbing victim, now an accused burglar, is expected to recover. He faces charges.

The turtle was checked out at the scene. No word on the extent of its injuries.

Police have not released the names of those involved.

God and UK basketball

2010-01-09T20:30:00.006-05:00

So, my word for 2009 was "JOY." As you know, it was not one of my easier years, but alas, a year later and I do have a joy that is not my own, but resonates from deep within my soul.

This is now 2010 and I began praying for my word for this coming year. I immediately heard my word and I immediately acknowledged and claimed it....that was another thing that I learned last year, don't fight your word.

So my word for 2010 is "TRUST." This word has so many facets involved with it. I know that this will be an interesting journey for me.

So, I decide to strap myself in and enjoy the ride!

I must tell you.....this year has started with a bang again. I had an incident happen that has taken my breath away....it is an answer to a seemingly small prayer.....but it goes to the depth of the meaning of my word.

On Tuesday, January 5th, I prayed a mom's prayer. My David is a huge UK Wildcat basketball fan. He loves this team and he especially loves to watch John Wall (the new freshman) play. So David and I watched last weeks basketball game and when it was over, David asked me if we could go see them play in person. Well, here in Kentucky, basketball is a religion! And when we have a winning season (like this year), you can not get any ticket for a reasonable price. So, I stammered around and told him that I did not think we would be able to go....my heart was aching as I said it.

That night as I prayed, I asked my loving heavenly Father to please let my David get to see the Wildcats play this season. I know, I know.....in the grand scheme of the world, this is a silly request, but to a single mom....it's not.

So, I decided that I would write my prayer in my journal...part of trust.

This morning I was at work and my cell phone rang, it was my David. He said, "Mom, Houston's dad has an extra ticket to today's UK basketball game. They want to know if I can go with them." I wept as I answered, "Yes."

Tiptoe through the tulips

2010-01-08T17:08:00.003-05:00

So, my Katie is upstairs right now, packing away. I can hear her bumping and thumping around as she packs up all of her belongings and gets ready to head back to college. I am sad.

She has been home for 3 weeks. It has been good to have her home again.

I was once the college girl, packing up my belongings to head back to school. I remember the excited that I felt as I prepared to leave again for another semester of studying and fun. I remember that my mom always seems a little sad as I packed and even more so when I said goodbye and walked into my dorm. I now understand why.

I think it might be easier to be the person who leaves. You are walking into new environments where there are no memories of the old things and old people of your life. While those who are left behind, are left in the same environment. They walk into a room and see your favorite chair, but you are not there. They sit at the table where you have sat among them, and they feel your absence. They walk through the house and hear your laughter missing.

Yes, I think it is easier to leave than to tiptoe around the memory of you.

I yam what I yam

2009-12-31T17:43:00.004-05:00

So, it's the end of 2o09....as I reflect back on my year, I see growth (I'm not talking about my waistline here...but it grew too)....but it's a very different kind of growth than my previous years.

I have spent my life trying to be like other people....trying to become more like ___ (fill in the blank). This past year something different has happened....I'm not trying to be anyone but me. I am now comfortable with who I am....but I want to continue to grow to be a better ME.

I think that comes with age....but I am so thankful for this time in my life....when I don't have to strive to be anyone but who I was created to be.

Behind the walls

2009-12-17T07:42:00.004-05:00

So, the other night I watched a show on the Hapsburg Empire of Vienna. The Hapsburg family ruled Vienna for over 600 years.

They believed that God created two types of people, those who were born to rule, which just happened to be the Hapsburg family (good news for them)....and those whom God created to be ruled and to serve, which just happened to be everyone else.

The Hapsburg's had two very large palaces, their summer and their winter homes. These palaces were extravagant....with silver and gold table settings, and the best jewels of the continent.

The walls of these palaces were built wide enough to hide the servants' corridors. The staff would literally walk between the walls....traveling from room to room to serve.

The fireplaces within the palaces were not your typical fireplaces. Instead they were large ornate ceramic decorations within each room. The fireplaces did not open into the rooms, instead the ceramic conducted the heat from the fire that was built by the servants behind the wall out into the room, allowing the fireplaces to be large pieces of art within each room. The servants spent their time walking between the walls, building fires.

Sometimes as a woman, I feel like some of the world believes that I was created to be ruled and to serve.....and sometimes as a woman, I feel like I live and work between the walls....totally unseen and yet always there....serving...building fires.

Houston, we have a problem

2009-12-16T07:53:00.003-05:00

So, here is sentence that no mother wants to have her 18 year old daughter, who is away at college, start a phone conversation....."Mom, we have a problem." My Katie calls me last night from college....it's finals week there and I knew she had a big one in Chemistry, her major, yesterday. I say, "Hey kiddo." And she replies with that spine tingling statement, "Mom, we have a problem," and her voice is a little shaky.

My heart stops....several scenarios run through my mind, she's flunked her Chemistry final, or she's flunking out of college altogether, or she's pregnant, or......fill in any extreme blank.

I am not breathing....but I manage to stammer out, "Okay, what is it?" I am bracing myself...trying to come up with calm and loving responses to any of the scenarios playing through my mind.

"Mom, I look like Elvira. I tried to color my hair dark brown and it came out jet black."

Well, this is one scenario that I did not take into consideration, and therefore, I didn't have a kind and loving response ready for it....so I begin to laugh....I mean really laugh and I say, "Well, mistress of the night, it's going to be a fun Christmas with you and the grandparents."

It's time to flush

2009-12-09T22:16:00.003-05:00

So, one of my co-workers got a Betta fish a few weeks ago. She put in it a small vase with a few rocks in the bottom. Every day, this fish sat there in the vase, same position, hardly moving....same thing day in and day out. Then my co-worker went away for a couple of days and asked us to keep an eye on him. The next day....there he was at the top of the vase. We all thought it was time to flush him....we approached the vase and he moved. Then it was back to the same old position, hardly moving.....

My co-worker came back to work with a big aquarium, and plants to put in it, and toys and rocks....she filled it up with water and put the fish in it. I wish you could see him now....he is always swimming about, his little fins always fluttering.....you just never know where he will be. I would swear he is smiling at us.

Anyhow....it got me thinking.....have I let my "environment" become a little vase with a couple rocks on the bottom? You know, nothing new...very small.....nothing to explore....nothing to learn.....just sitting there in the same position day in and day out. I honestly think the fish was suicidal in that vase....I think he was faking his death and hoping someone would flush him.....at least it would be a change of scenery.

So, do I just need to get flushed?

The year of the goat

2009-12-07T18:06:00.004-05:00

So, here I am at the end of my year of joy....no, this year is not listed on the place mats at the cheap, all-you-can-eat, Chinese buffet.

There were many things that I have learned this year.

First I realized how much I hate the word 'journey.' I just wanted to arrive at joy....you know, someone telling me how to get there...."take a left past the BP station and it is there on the left." But I found that I could not just hurry up and drive to arrive...

Side note....last night my 16 year old daughter, Becky, was learning to drive in the dark down the curviest, narrowest road around, Short Shun. It was just a little before 6 pm and we were coming from Nicholasville to Wilmore. We had just started down Short Shun and suddenly there was a car hard on our tail. I mean that it was so close that I could not see the headlights on it. Becky says, "Wow. This car is following me closely." The car begins to flash its headlights at us. Becky asks, "Can I slow down please?" I say, "Sure." The speed limit is 35 mph. She had been doing 30 mph, now she slows down to 25 mph. I smile. The obnoxious car begins to beep at us. Becky slows down to 20 mph. The car then begins to flash lights, beep and ride a little closer on our tail. This person finally passes us illegally and flies up the road. It turns out they were heading to church.

So, back to my journey to joy....that was the visual of me at the beginning of the year. Driving like a crazy person.....flashing my headlights and beeping my horn.....in a hurry to arrive at joy. I was like that driver, I did not realize that my journey is part of the whole process. See, when that a-hole pulled into the church...he totally lost his credibility as a "christian" because of how he journeyed to his destination.

I thought 'joy' was my destination.....where I wanted to arrive at, what I was striving for. That it was the end of all....but I now realize that it is not my destination....no! All throughout the year, I kept asking, "Are we there yet?" But there is no "there" to get to. It is a process....a journey! But not a journey TO joy....it was my journey OF joy.

Now, what will the year of 2010 be? The year of the goat?

LOL smiley face

2009-11-30T21:03:00.002-05:00

So, my children and I went to West Virginia this past weekend. We met my cousin's pregnant girlfriend....

He said, "This is my girlfriend....her name is Chastity."

My children and I laughed out loud.....he didn't understand why.....subtle irony.

A perfect match

2009-11-21T12:02:00.005-05:00

So, yesterday as I was sitting in the eye doctor's waiting room, I partook of my favorite pastime......people watching.

I saw 3 different pairs of people that were dressed alike.

First pair was a set of twin girls. They were about 3 years old....cute as they could be....curly hair pulled back with matching ribbons, matching sweaters, matching pants, matching shoes and even matching glasses. Their parents wanted them identified as twins....matching in every way.

Second pair was an older couple. They were distinguished looking, probably in the early 70's. They did not match every detail exactly....but they had the same color scheme going. You could tell they belonged together.....and had "belonged" together for many years now.

Third pair was a mother and her son. She was in her late 30's and her son was probably 8. He was in a wheelchair that she pushed around. He was severely handicapped. He could not speak understandable words nor could he walk. He was so cute....blond hair and smiling. They did not match in every detail....but they too had the same color scheme going on. You could tell that the mom wanted her son to be identified with her. He was her responsibility, but he was more than that.....he was her son. In a world that probably tends not to welcome him as "belonging" to many things.....he BELONGS to her......he was her beloved.

It's funny how we wear similar clothing......we are doing something very intentional when we do that.....it kind of reminds me of Genesis 1:26-27, "Let us make man in our own image, in our likeness.....so God create man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, man and woman he created them."

I think that was God dressing us like him.....identifying us with him....showing us we are his beloved......we belong with him.

Can lead to blindness

2009-11-20T17:35:00.006-05:00

So, last week I called my eye doctor for an appointment. I felt like I was going blind....my eye sight had suddenly declined drastically. I was nervous.

So today was the appointment. I tell the doctor that it seemed like I woke up one morning and could no longer see clearly.

He puts me through a battery of tests....measuring my eyes....reading this....measure some more....read this....which is clearer, 1 or 2.....3 or 4.....etc. After he has run every test imaginable, he sits back and says, "Mrs. Hogan, is there any chance that you could have switched your contacts, left contact in right eye and right contact in left eye?"

Hmmmm........an evening comes to mind....right around the same time that my blindness started.

"Yes doctor, that is a possibility," I confess.

I take my contacts out and switch eyes......I begin to sing...."I can see clearly now...."

Note to self....always take your contacts out and put your glasses on before festivities begin.

My person

2009-11-17T17:21:00.004-05:00

So, last night I watched a friend's (she's a single mom) son, Isaiah, while she had a local trip for work. She was supposed to be home around 9 pm. It was not a big deal because he is close in age to my son. The boys played and giggled and watched Sport Bloopers on the computer.

At around 7 pm my friend called, she did not realize how far this trip was, and she did not realize that it was in central time zone, which meant that she was thinking it would be closer to 11 pm before she could pick up her son. I tell her it really is not a big deal and he can just spend the night with us. She does not want to impose, so she asks me to just let him sleep on the couch until she arrives. Okay.

At around 9 pm she calls again. It is going much slower than she realized, and she was wondering if he could just spend the night. I tell her that we would love to have him spend the night...not a problem. She apologize profusely....I assure her that it is fine.

I really considered it a privilege. Seriously...I have a very, very, very dear friend that is also a single mom, Tammy. She has been "my person" as I have navigated along this whole single-mom road. I have called her a million times when I have been stuck in a meeting, or stuck in traffic, or stuck at work and my kids were sitting alone at the school waiting for me to pick them up. She has been "my person." The person that I would call at 3 am if there was an emergency. She has been "my person." She has done for me exactly what Michele was asking me to do....and she has done it without putting guilt on me. I can, and have, called her anytime, in any situation, and ask her to help me with my kids....and she would be there, and has been there.....every time. I never have to feel guilty....she is "my person," no questions asked.

That has meant the world to me....to have someone who is there for me.....and I want to pay it forward.....I want to be there for other single moms, especially. This is such a hard road to travel....and you feel so alone....and so inadequate.....and Tammy has been "my person."

This ones for you Tammy!

Balls.....lots of balls

2009-11-16T19:54:00.003-05:00

So, tonight my son David has a friend, Isaiah, spending the evening with us. He and his friend went out and played basketball...then he and his friend played football....then they played kickball...it started to get dark outside so they came indoors.

They got on the computer and sat on the couch giggling....and giggling....and giggling. I decide that I better check to see what they are watching. So I say, "David, turn the computer around...I want to see what you are giggling at." David turns the computer around and he and his friend are watching sports bloopers.....you know.....men getting hit in their balls by all kinds of balls...basketballs....footballs....kickballs....and every other ball imaginable....balls on balls....hilarious.

Anyhow, it dawns on me that men are SO, SO different than women. A woman would NEVER....NEVER......NEVER sit around for hours watching other women get hit in their boobs. NEVER. So...what the heck is it that drives men to be so fascinated with balls.....

Big love

2009-11-15T19:59:00.004-05:00

So, this past week I lost a very dear member of my family. Cheyenne passed away.

Chey-Chey was my sister's dog. Chey did not start life with our family, but she found us! She was my sister's neighbor's dog. When Judy moved into Chey's neighborhood, Chey immediately knew she had found her kinfolk. Chey began coming for visits....and Judy would give her some love (which always included a treat). Chey then had a litter of puppies...and she would still come over for her daily visit, which now included bringing her puppies. Judy's love was big enough to include them as well.

Chey's puppies were sold off....and Chey still came. She started to stay longer...not really wanting to go home. Her owner always knew where to come to find Chey....finally, as it got harder and harder for him to convince Cheyenne to come home with him....he decided to give Chey to my sister. I am postive that was the happiest day of Cheyenne's life!

She really was a kindred spirit....she loved people....she loved food.....she loved life. She was the sweetest girl, and fit into our family perfectly. She had the gentlest spirit. My kids would sometimes accidentally step on her....Chey never growled. Then I got my little furball....he was a little yipping thing...but Chey never nipped at him...she loved everyone...her love, like my sister's love, was big enough to include all.

Chey....we will all miss you!

Starry night

2009-11-15T19:34:00.005-05:00

So, this past weekend I went camping. I mean out in nature...peeing in the woods (because I'm too lazy to walk up to the bath house)...cool nights....

It was a great weekend for camping. The temperatures during the daylight was in the upper 60's...but at night it dipped down into the low 40's....chilly.

On Friday night, after we got the tent set up, air mattress inflated, and sleeping bags unrolled...we built a fire and turned on the radio...Christmas music was playing....I love Christmas music. So I sat there....fire blazing....the sky was crystal clear.....and there were a million stars in the sky...so I sat there looking at the stars and listening to the Christmas music..........."Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior's birth."

Deep breath...................................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............I can breath again.

Shhhhh....in the library?

2009-11-10T22:13:00.004-05:00

So, last night, I'm standing in the library at work and my son was standing next to me. A friend walks up and we begin to joke around. She looks at David and says, "How do you live with her?"

David innocently responds, "Well......we have separate bedrooms."

Amanda begins to laugh and says, "If that ever changes, you call me babe."

I have to admit, I'm rather speechless and wondering what David meant....

David then says, "Yeah....it helps to have separate bedrooms because mom screams very loudly and often in the night."

Okay......seriously.....I'm single.....

and I have nightmares. What did you think I meant?

Improved sight

2009-11-06T20:13:00.003-05:00

So, today is my dad's 77th birthday.

I thought I'd tell you a little about my dad.

He is a strong man...a manly man. He is a hunter and a fisherman. He can play any sport...and play it well. I'm still trying to beat my dad in ONE round of golf.

He was a faithful GM employee for over 40 years. He provided for his family.

He would give you the shirt off his back....and has more times than anyone knows.

He never verbally said he loved me...but his actions show it daily and always have.

He is a very funny man. His eyes sparkle when he is up to no-good.

He is very handsome. He has curly hair that tends to look like he's sprouting devil's horns when he's being ornery.

As he grows older...he has grown softer....or maybe, as I have grown older, I have grown to see his softer side.

I love you dad!

What mile marker

2009-11-04T07:49:00.003-05:00

So, for those of you who are wondering where I am on my journey to joy.....

Well, I am still on the journey (I still hate that word). It is a very long journey....a very long, long journey.

The current mile marker says, "I am a child of God."

Dog gone it

2009-11-02T19:11:00.007-05:00

So, this has been an interesting "dog" weekend.

First, last night I get a call from my son...they had just picked up our dog from the family who was watching Graham for us. David said, "Ummmm....mom, there's a problem with Graham." My heart stops....I am picturing him run over in the street....I say, "What's wrong with Graham?" David says, "Well...ummmm......he has worms." My heart begins to beat again...."He has worms?" David replies, "Yes, what does that mean? What will happen to him?" I chuckle and say, "I'll get him some medicine." Which is what I do...

So, this morning I get a call from my friend (I'll change her name to protect her identity), Bandace Krooks, in Florida....she tells me the story of running over a dog last night as she was driving home. She ran the dog over right in front of the owner. Then she tells me that when she got home, she took her 2 dogs out for a walk in the park. One of her dog finds a condom on the ground while they are walking through the park...and she eats it. Yes, her dog ate the condom. Well...Bandace Krooks calls her vet to see what to do and the vet says to watch the dog to make sure she passes the condom.

So, Bandace Krooks and I are comisserating about our dog problems....her watching her dog's poop for a condom....and me watching my dog's poop for worms. We are discussing how Graham could have got worms...she says, "He can get them if he eats another dog's poop." I tell her that my yard is the neighborhood toilet for ALL dogs, and that no one in my neighborhood carries a "poop bag" to pick up their dog's pile.

Then Bandace has a BRILLIANT idea....feed all the dogs in my neighborhood condoms and then when they poop in my yard...their poop will be encased in a condom...poop in a bag. Then the owner can just pick up the condom of poop and go on home.

Would you like a peach with that?

2009-10-27T21:33:00.003-04:00

So, I was talking to my sister today to get the latest "Hannah-story." She has the funniest granddaughter in the world...seriously, the girl is hysterical.

Okay...so funny Hannah story. Judy calls Hannah and they are discussing Halloween. Judy is trying to convince Hannah to give her all of the candy that Hannah doesn't like from when she goes out Trick or Treating. After they get done with that discussion, Hannah says, "Nini, do you want to buy some cookies from me?"

Judy, aka Nini, says, "Sure. What kind do you have?"

Hannah says, "Peanut butter and chocolate chip."

Nini says, "I will take one of each."

Hannah announces to her mom, "Nini wants PEACH."

Nini says, "No, Hannah....I want ONE OF EACH."

Hannah says, "Nini wants peach."

Judy can hear Hannah's mom in the background saying, "We don't have peach."

Judy says, "Hannah, just give me one peanut butter and one chocolate chip."

Hannah tells her mom, "Okay, now Nini wants a peanut butter and a chocolate chip. She doesn't want peach anymore."

That's why McDonald's doesn't have a 4 year old running the drive-thru.

Beware of frolicking

2009-10-26T20:04:00.004-04:00

So, today I got a phone call from a male co-worker. He was out deer hunting. He called to let me know he had just killed a deer.

I asked, "So, did you get a big buck?"

He responded, "No, it was just a doe. As a matter of fact, I'm a little embarrassed to tell you what happened."

"Come on...what happened?" I asked.

He began the story, "Well, I was up in my tree stand and two small doe came along and began to play under me. Then a big buck, I mean a monster, came down over the hill to be with the doe. Well, I put my cross hair on him and pulled the trigger. Problem was, I hadn't taken the safety off. By the time I did that, the buck heard me and took off."

"Oh, that stinks," I pipe in.

"Well," he said, "I was so mad, I put the cross hair on the doe and killed her."

There you have it....a glimpse into my world. How many times have I just been frolicking in a field....minding my own business....when suddenly a big male ego enters my field and next thing I know.....I get shot in the butt!

A formula to perfection

2009-10-22T18:21:00.008-04:00

So, today I went to chapel. A couple from Thailand led us in a traditional Thai worship service.

It was a beautiful service. The music and songs and dance were all beautiful. As they played their music and taught us how to dance and sing before the Lord....I realized how very stiff and starched we are here in North America. We looked nothing like them....they flowed with grace and beauty, much like watching a butterfly float through the air....and then there was us...

We clunked along...moving our hands and bodies as if they weighed 100 lbs and our joints did not move in a fluid motion. We looked more like a robot.

They allow their bodies to feel the music...becoming one with the music...an extension of it, flowing out of it. We on the other hand are trying to listen to the music and calculate moves to the music.

I have children and I have watched every episode of SpongeBob Squarepants that has ever been created. There is one episode that sums up what I saw today....this is what SpongeBob usually looks like:

He has bumps and holes, not at all perfect...

But one day he decides he is too different, and he decides to become normal....and so, instead of being his different self, he works to be "normal.' Soon, his appearance begins to change to match his actions....bland and boring. Here is what his appearance changes to:

He is smooth and perfect...

I feel like we in North America have worked very hard to become "normal" in our worship....not wanting to be different or allow ourselves to "feel" anything. No, we have a calculation and a formula for "perfect, normal" worship. And so....we trudge along and soon...our worship begins to look like "normal SpongeBob."

Smell that smell

2009-10-16T17:52:00.006-04:00

So, one of my co-workers got a brand new car. I mean a brand new...made yesterday....pulled out of the factory right into the dealership and then picked up by my co-worker, new car.

It is bright and shiny and beautiful....it has that wonderful aroma that can not be duplicated or bottled....the NEW CAR SMELL. It is an amazing smell...I love that smell. I love to look at brand new cars....dreaming of calling it my own....dreaming of opening the door and being greeted by that smell.

So, I was looking at this new car and wishing I could open the door. Suddenly I realized how privileged I am. Why? Because I begin to think about the people of the world who are starving today. I am dreaming of smelling a new car...and there are people in the world who are dreaming of smelling food, a smell of nourishment and sustenance...

They are not worried about how a shiny new car might smell....the smell of privilege....they pray to smell food....the smell of life.

Put away the Nair

2009-10-15T18:23:00.004-04:00

So, today I heard the MOST interesting thing. A study performed by the American Mustache Institute (yes....there really is an institute for the American mustache) revealed that mustachioed men make more than their bearded and clean-shaven compatriots.

As a matter of fact....mustached men don't just make a hair more than co-workers, but 8.2 percent more than men sporting beards and 4.3 percent more than clean-shaven men.

Yes, you read that right...a mustache can get you a possible 8.2 percent raise.....

Well....let me just say this...on behalf of the Italian women in the workforce.....I guess it's time to put away the Nair and let my mustache move me up the corporate ladder!

Then we shall see face to face...

2009-10-13T21:59:00.006-04:00

So, I am contemplating birthdays. I happen to be, not only a person who has a birthday, but a mom who has three children that have birthdays. Here is what I have come to know after 46 years of having personal birthdays....

Well, I can not tell you one dang thing about the day that I was born. I don't know what color the eyes of the doctor that delivered me was. I can not tell you how many nurses were in the room or what color scrubs that they were wearing. I can not tell you what day of the week it was when I entered this world, or what the weather was like, or even what time that I entered this world. I don't know what my mom or dad looked like at that moment, or how they reacted.

But I have had the extreme privilege of being present for three glorious "birth days," one for Katie, one for Becky and one for David. I can tell you exactly what each doctor's name was that delivered my children. I also happen to know what color those doctor's eyes were. I know how many nurses were in each delivery room and what color scrubs that they were wearing. I can tell you exactly what day of the week it was, and even the exact minute that I finally got to lay eyes on each one of my babies. It was a moment that I will never forget...

So, as a person who has lived through 46 personal "birthdays" and as a mom who has lived through 3 actual "birth days," I wonder....why don't we celebrate birthdays with the mom's on the actual birth day of their children...why don't we give gifts to the moms....the one person who can tell you every detail of that moment when they visualized the pure love that had been growing in them for 9 months.

Where my intuition leads me....

2009-10-12T17:12:00.007-04:00

So, I happen to work in a religious institution....

Here is something that I have noticed...woman's rights do not seem to be predominant here. As a matter of fact, I would almost bet that my salary, as a woman director, is considerably less than my male counterpart.

I have also noticed that I am asked by the paramount male leadership (I think that might be redundant) to provide my "woman's intuition." Can I just tell you how offensive that is to me???

The definition of "intuition" is "the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge without evident rational thought and inference." WHAT THE HECK???

The antonym for "intuition" is "knowledge," "reason," or "reasoning."

Seriously?

This is what the male leadership thinks that I have to offer....only intuition. I can not have any cognitive thought.

Okay...I "feel" like I might have a solution...I am going to go and buy myself a set of bumper nuts. You have surely seen these things hanging off the back of a redneck pickup truck. Well, I figure that if I buy a pair of those and hang them from my belt on my slacks...then maybe, oh maybe, I will be able to have a cognitive thought, as I feel that this must be where men do their cognitive thinking.....and then I can maybe get some respect around here.

And....I'm going to make my set brass!

Bang Bang Club

2009-10-11T20:09:00.004-04:00

So, today I spent the afternoon with my son. He had a soccer game in Louisville.

We had a beautiful ride over together. It was a beautiful autumn day...sun was shining, air was brisk, and the leaves were beginning to turn. I watched him play an excellent game. Then he and I went to the Cheesecake Factory....our favorite place to eat. He got what he always orders...the Club. He always lets me have a bite of his Club and I always tell him that it is so good, that the next time we go....I will order the Club. I say this EVERY time we go. So, today, he looks at me and says, "Okay mom, are you going to get the Club?" I say, "Yes, today is the day."

The waiter comes to the table and takes our order, two Clubs. The minute he walks away from the table, I begin to dream of Bang Bang Chicken....what I always order. I tell David, "I'm wondering if I should have ordered Bang Bang." David begins to laugh and says, "Mom, you finally ordered the Club. Don't think about the Bang Bang."

At this moment, our waiter walks past the table and I grab him and say, "Is it too late to change my order to Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp?" He says, "I'll try."

David looks at me and begins to laugh...."I thought you were going to order the Club this time...but no...you had to get Bang Bang."

I explain to David that I actually HAD ordered the Club, so I had followed through on that....I just happen to be GETTING the Bang Bang.....oh well....maybe someday.

The "talk"

2009-10-09T17:41:00.002-04:00

So, I am shocked to find out through a co-worker that the seventh grade health class is beginning the "sex" education curriculum....my son is in seventh grade and I haven't heard anything about this.

I ask him, "David, so are you learning about sex at school?"

He responds, "No, they are teaching that in health class and I don't have health this year."

I say, "Good....I don't want you learning about sex."

He says, "Mom....I can't go through life not knowing about sex."

Oh....a mom can hope!

Put me in coach...I'm ready to play

2009-10-07T20:44:00.006-04:00

So, today I found myself in a very familiar situation....and yet at the time it didn't dawn on me that I had been here before.

Let me digress, I was in sixth grade....a very shy young girl. I had a few friends at school, but for the most part I watched life happen around me, a spectator of life with no confidence to enter in. Anyhow, one day following school, I began to walk home and came upon another sixth grader, a very large young man who was the school bully, who had a young fifth grade girl, the school "cooty girl," up against the wall and was smashing garbage into her face. Well, even though I was quite content to watch most of life pass by, I was not content to watch this unfold. This was injustice...this was wrong. I happen to be Italian...and therefore, my passions and emotions can, and sometime do, rule me....this was one of those moments. I, a shy spectator of life, walked up to the bully and grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face me. At this time I said, "Leave her alone." He then said, "Who is going to make me?" I replied, "Me." He pushed me up against the wall and began to beat the living tar out of me.....I might be emotional and passionate but I am not a good fighter. Good news was that he stopped picking on the young girl....

Now, fast forward to eleveth grade. I am still a spectator of life. I have a few good friends, but for the most part, I lack any confidence to participate in a crowd. I am at a high school football game with a friend and I had to take my little sister, Judy, with me. She was a sixth grader. Anyhow, we were watching the game from the bleachers and Judy leans over to me and says, "That large girl behind me is burning me with her cigarette butt." I look behind us and there is a very large, manly looking girl trying to burn my sister with her cigarette. Again, my emotions kick in and I say, "Hey, leave my sister alone." The large bully ignores me. A little time passes and Judy leans over and says, "She is burning me again." I turn around and say, "Hey bitch....leave my sister alone." Next thing I know, she pounces on me....we both roll down a few bleachers and I am pinned under her while she beats the crap out of me.

Okay....fast forward to today.....I am at work and sitting in a committee meeting....a discussion begins about something that will drastically affect our hourly employees. I have to admit, that for the most part I have been a spectator in this group....watching and listening to the things that are going on around me....not really confident that I can offer any wisdom to this particular group....but today.....my emotions kick in and I speak....and then I follow it up with analysis and an email.

Now, I wait....to see if this particular emotional outburst will result in the same outcome....you know....getting the crap beat out of me.

As I reflect on today...I wonder why there are these moments in my life when I refuse to be a spectator and enter into the situation with authority and courage....I find that the common denominator is when I see injustice....specifically, when someone with superior status, or size, or title, tries to silence the underdogs voice....or belittle the underdog....or take advantage of them, or neglect them....I find that I can speak, I find my voice.....or maybe I find that I can be their voice.....

More than Scooby was in my lap

2009-10-06T20:06:00.002-04:00

So, this past Friday night was homecoming at the high school. My daughter Becky had a date....a friend date. Which meant that I had to pick her up after the dance.

It started to get late, like 11 pm, and I started to get tired, so I decided to shower and get dressed for bed. I got out of the shower and put my over-sized t-shirt, no bra, and my Scooby Doo boxer shorts. My hair was wet and I had no makeup on.

The clock struck midnight and Becky called me to say, "Come and get me." A fleeting thought enters my mind....maybe I should throw on a bra....ah.....who's going to see me? I'm just picking up my daughter.

So, I drove to the school and got in a LONG line of traffic.....I saw lots of people .....and they saw me....I comforted myself with that fact that because I am 45 years old....and nursed all three of my children, so no one could see my bra-less boobs....because they were sitting in my lap.

Growing bellies and growing love

2009-10-03T12:49:00.004-04:00

So, as I sat there in the OB/GYN, I suddenly became very aware of my age....I am 45. I am not 25; young, bright eyed, tight skin that match the tight jeans, long flowing hair....I am not that. I am 45; older, wiser, baggy skin that match the baggy jeans, short and gray haired. My eyes are not so bright now....they do not hold that twinkle of mystery and wonder, not knowing what is down the road....no, they hold a look that says, "Oh, I know what you are in for....I've been there, done that"....and therefore, my eyes hold compassion.

I saw myself in those young, pregnant women. They were so full of delight as they waddled into the office. They had NO idea how much their life was about to change. They had NO idea that this is not just a time of growth in your belly. NO.....this is a growth in your love....from now until the day you die. This baby is your responsibility....you will never stop worrying about this child....you sill never stop loving this child...you will never stop wanting the best, working to provide....and the more children that you have....the more your love and worry grows....and then your children grow and get married and have children....and the more your love and worry grows.

So, maybe that explains the difference in our looks....their look is expected love......my look captures an existing love, an expanding love.....a full love, with all the responsibility that entails.

No shoes, no shirt, no service

2009-10-01T00:33:00.002-04:00

So, OB/GYN, observation day 2......

I am amazed at what is going on in our society today.....yesterday, as I waited for 4 glorious hours in the waiting room of the OB/GYN, I couldn't help but get a glimpse of our current economy. I happened to sit in the chair next to the front desk. I can't begin to count the number of women who were VERY pregnant, and signed in, only to be called back up to the desk and told, "I'm sorry, your insurance is no longer active."

Then I listened to these young ladies, MANY of them, trying to convince the receptionist that there is some mistake....they have insurance. After several phone calls, they were told that they have no insurance.

One young lady is burned into my memory. She was VERY pregnant, I mean drop that baby at any moment pregnant. She walked up to the front desk and signed in and gave them her insurance card. Then she was called back up and told, "I'm sorry, your insurance is no longer active." She looked like a deer in the headlights....totally confused and shocked.

She slowly walked back to her seat and sat and stared for a long time. Then she proceeded to make several calls on her cell phone. When she finished the final one, she still had the deer in the headlights look.

This doctor's office basically refused at least seven women in the four hours that I was there.

I came home and read my paper and there was an article from a Christian OB/GYN that said he has never seen the amount of patients that have tried to convince his staff that they still have their insurance, when in fact, they do not. He and his office have decided to wave payments for these poor women who have no insurance and are pregnant or sick.

Can I just say this, "God, please bless this doctor and his practice!"

What have we become? When a woman who is ready to drop a baby any moment is told that she has not insurance and without insurance, there is no service......seriously, is this what we have become?

I am reminded of the signs, "No shoes, no shirt, no service," that is found on most fast-food joints.....now, I am expecting to see this sign on all doctor's office doors, "No insurance, no service."

Waddle, waddle

2009-09-29T21:23:00.002-04:00

So, today I spent about 4 hours in the waiting room of an OB/GYN....I've got lots of material for the next few days.

First off, can I just ask this: "Why oh why do we have to have the OB and the GYN doctor combined?" Seriously, these young pregnant women sure as heck don't want to see me.....what they will look like some 20 years from now.

But for us 40 somethings....well, it was a fun day.

One of the highlights came when a very pregnant 20 something dropped her pen....I sat there and watched as she tried to bend over and maneuver around belly to get that pen. It took her a good six tries to finally grab that pen. Fun times.

I enjoyed people watching. There was the couple who walked into the waiting room with a newborn baby (I'd guess 6 weeks old) in tow. They both had that "we have a newborn in the house" look. You know, the running on no sleep, having no idea what to do with this screaming, eating, pooping little creature. The young mom looked totally weary....you know, that "crazy no sleep" look. The dad had that "not much sleep and no sex" look about him. I could tell he was anxious for his wife to get the 6 week followup appointment over and hear these words, "It's safe to have sex again." I could tell his wife had the "it might be 6 weeks, but there is no way in _ _ _ _ I am giving him sex" look. As a matter of fact, as they sat there waiting, he was fidgeting and anxious....he wanted to get back to the doctor as soon as possible.....she sat there, dead-dog tired, big bags under her eyes, breast feeding the baby....trying to burp her....and she just stared at her husband....that crazy-no-sleep look. I am going to watch the 11 o'clock news tonight to see if the doctor said yes or no to 6 week sex....I figure if the doctor said yes, I will see a homicide due to insanity on the news tonight.

I'll give some more highlights later.

Hillbilly heaven

2009-09-28T13:56:00.003-04:00

So, today I had to run into Kroger quickly to get a cookie-cake for work tonight. I was on my lunch hour and in a bit of a hurry.

Note to self....never think that you can run into Kroger quickly for anything in the middle of the day when you live in Hillbilly Heaven.

So, I am flying into the Kroger parking lot when alas, I have to slam on the break for a very large, old, dilapidated Town Car who decides to pull in front of me and SLOWLY make his way through the parking lot. Grrrrr........me and my Honda are tight on his rear-end.

Slowly......oil-burning Town Car putt-putt-putt looking for a parking spot.....as soon as I get to a row, I make a hard left and Town Car continues closer to the entrance. I go about 6 spots down the row and park. I quickly get out of the car and rapidly walk to the entrance. As I get close to the entrance....there is the dang Town Car pulling up in front of the store, in the fire lane, and parking.

"Are you kidding me," I think to myself.

Then the best part of my day happens.....the lady in the Town Car opens her door as I am approaching and gets out and steps right in front of me....a move that is very similar to the one she just made with her car. "Nice," I think. Then she spreads out between the flowers that line the entrance to Kroger so that I can not get around her.

I am in a mood now.....

Then, as if this hasn't been fun enough.......she proceeds to shuffle slowly toward the door (blocking me) and begins to dig her underwear out of her butt-crack....

Yes, you read that right....now I'm tight on her rear-end, only this time, it just gives me a front row seat to a wedgy pick!

Trip, trap, trip, trap

2009-09-23T20:35:00.003-04:00

So, last night I had a dream, a nightmare really. I dreamed that a very mean, ominous-looking billy goat was coming at me with very demon-like eyes. He was trying to headbutt me. My loud screams awoke me.

Okay, so what does this dream mean.

Hmmmmm.....a billy goat, a white billy goat with big horns. That could be so many things...like an authority figure, you know, a big, white figure of authority..... or maybe an institution, you know, with big, long horns.

Why is it trying to headbutt me? That could be to push me down the "hill," or maybe it was to cause a brain injury and establish intellectual superiority that would otherwise be impossible....

Just some ideas.......

Bestest friends in the male world

2009-09-21T12:44:00.003-04:00

So, I happen to have a male dog named Graham. My neighbor has a male dog named Benny. Graham and Benny are bestest friends.

I have to say, I am fascinated watching these two guys relate. I think it is a microcosm of my world. One of the things, out of many, that I have noticed is this: when Graham lifts his leg and goes, then Benny has to come and go in the same exact spot....to which Graham has to go again in that spot....and so it continues until one of them runs out of liquid.

Hmmmmm.........

Was that fried shrimp or grilled shrimp?

2009-09-15T17:50:00.003-04:00

So, I was away on a work trip for five days. My parents came down and watched my children for me while I was gone. When I got home, we all got in the car to go out to eat. Mom and dad began a debate on some insignificant thing, like did they have fried shrimp or grilled shrimp at that restaurant 5 years ago.

Anyhow, from the back seat Becky says, "I now know what the saying, 'They bicker like an old married couple.' means." I begin to laugh. Mema says, "What does that mean? We don't bicker." Papa says, "Now Mary, you bicker all the time." Mema says, "No I don't...."

And so it continues!